Tuesday, September 18, 2007

No Future For You

Tue Sep 18, 8:08 AM ET
LONDON (AFP) - Punk legends the Sex Pistols announced Tuesday that they will stage a one-off gig in November to celebrate the 30th anniversary of their controversial album Never Mind the Bullocks. The band, who spearheaded the 1970s punk movement in England with singles like "Anarchy in the UK" and "Pretty Vacant", will play London's Brixton Academy on November 8, they said on a music paper's website.

I propose making it a more interesting reunion: directly above the band hangs a sturdy platform loaded with enormous newly-sharpened knives, all of them poised downward. The pulley rigged to this platform is activated by sound. As the band launches into each pathetic, retread, nostalgic punk hit, the platform is lowered towards the stage. The less songs they play, the longer they stay alive. C'mon, science! Why haven't you invented a device like this yet?

4 comments:

Highlander said...

Not sure which is more irrelevant - the Sex Pistols gig or the Led Zeppelin one?

Disco:Very said...

Tough call--It's well documented how much I despise band reunions, whether it be past-it dinosaur arena acts or past-it punk pioneers who should have left well enough alone. Let's put them both on the same stage and let the knives fall where they may!

Charmuh said...

The Sex Pistols are faded slugs.

Disco:Very said...

Actually, the Sex Pistols are worse than faded slugs. They're slugs who won't fade! They're the slugs crawling around in the Garden of Rock History and no matter how much salt you pour on their back, you keep finding the slugs have faxed out a press release proclaiming they're decided to tour again. And I want to know how slugs with no arms or hands are working the buttons on that damn fax machine!