Monday, February 10, 2014


I completely forgot to mention: I moved over to Facebook about 2 years ago and never bothered to tell any of you.  If you wish to once again enjoy my witty banter, this is where you can get a daily dose once more.

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

A Year of Regret, Misery, and Unending Pain--Set to a Jaunty Soundtrack!

Our annual 2-disc giveaway (given the title this year of Disco:Very 2012) is now available for you to enjoy, in two different formats.  1) E-mail us your name and address (faked names are acceptable, perhaps even encouraged) to receive a smartly-designed CD format (which Youth now declares dead), or 2) for a digital version, simply download Disc One here and Disc Two here.  File sharing between two or more people is the love which dare not speak its name.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

With Only 39 Years Left to Live, It's Time I Finally Got Around to Digitizing My Cassette & Vinyl Collection [Part 18]

The Crafty Ladies - A Crafty Ladies Christmas (7-track EP 7" on Harlod Records, 1994)

[Click photos to enlarge the lulz.]

I'm so sorry posting this.  I'm very sorry.  Dear god, forgive me.  I'm so sorry for this.  Oh my, oh dear.  I apologize to each and every one of you.  I'm feeling so guilty for posting this.  Oh my, I'm sorry.  Please forgive me.  I'm so sorry.  This is the most offensive thing I've ever posted.  I'm so sorry.  There will be a special place in hell for me.  Oh my god, I am so sorry.  I hope you can forgive me someday.  I deeply apologize for this.  I'm so sorry.  I'm so very sorry.  Mea culpa.  Mea maxima culpa.  Please forgive me, baby Jesus.  I'm so very sorry.  I'm so sorry posting this.  I'm very sorry.  Dear god, forgive me.  I'm so sorry for this.  Oh my, oh dear.  I apologize to each and every one of you.  I'm feeling so guilty for posting this.  Oh my, I'm sorry.  Please forgive me.  I'm so sorry.  This is the most offensive thing I've ever posted.  I'm so sorry.  There will be a special place in hell for me.  Oh my god, I am so sorry.  I hope you can forgive me someday.  I deeply apologize for this.  I'm so sorry.  I'm so very sorry.  Mea culpa.  Mea maxima culpa.  Please forgive me, baby Jesus.  I'm so very sorry.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Disco:Very Celebrates 2012 Record Store Day, Black Friday Edition [By Being a Nuisance] - Part 1

Unnamed Local Record Store Chain:  [Name/Location of store], this is [name].
Disco:Very:  Happy Record Store Day, the Black Friday Edition.
Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: [Laughs] OK..yup.
Disco:Very:  I’m not sure if you’re into Coheed and Cambria.  They’re an epic metal prog band who totally rock my world with their epic songs, and their latest album, The Afterman: Ascension, is going to be part of an ongoing story line told in musical form about The Amory Wars.
Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: [Already losing interest--long pause.] OK.
Disco:Very: The Amory Wars is set in Heaven's Fence, a collection of 78 planets held in place by interconnecting beams of energy, known as the Keywork. The first half of the story narrates Coheed Kilgannon and Cambria Kilgannon's struggle against Wilhelm Ryan, the Supreme Tri-Mage (which is later referred to as the Archmage) and the second half of the story focuses on the heroic journey of their son, messianic Claudio Kilgannon. Over the course of the story, Claudio assumes the mantle of The Crowing, the epic foretold savior of Heaven's Fence. In the end, he will face the Archmage, absolute ruler of Heaven's Fence and the one ultimately responsible for the death of Claudio's family.
Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: [Laughs] OK, so did you have a question about that?
Disco:Very:  Dude, it’s an epic tale of good vs. evil and these albums only chronicle the opening chapters.  It’s going to be so epic!
Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: Did you want me to look an album up for you or...I mean...[Laughs nervously]...what exactly are you calling about?
Disco:Very: Well, the deluxe version of the album was released with a coffee-table book co-written by Claudio Sanchez and the epic writer Peter David, and it was intended to give a song-by-song experience of the epic concept album. The album follows The Amory Wars storyline, and concentrates on the character Sirius Amory.   But I heard there is going to be a special Deluxe Edition which contains a new version of the coffee-table book which has three new additional pages added.  So I was hoping you could let me know what’s on these three additional pages.
Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: Well, I can't really do that over the phone.  Why don't you come in and we'll check it out that way, OK?
Disco:Very: [Trying to keep him on the phone as long as possible.]  Plus this new edition will contain glossy illustrations of each character depicted in the story, plus a sticker showing a battle scene from The Amory Wars, and a slim booklet explaining how to listen to and understand the concepts of the album, a removable tattoo depicting the heroic battle of Coheed Kilgannon and Cambria Kilgannon as they struggle against Wilhelm Ryan, and a pen and pencil set with the Coheed and Cambria logo on it, a coffee mug with the Coheed and Cambria logo on it, a pair of chopsticks with the Coheed and Cambria logo on it, a box of dark chocolate made of 86% Cacao with the Coheed and Cambria logo on it, a stack of Post-It Notes with the Coheed and Cambria logo on it, a pair of bedroom slippers with the Coheed and Cambria logo on it, a framed portrait of the Coheed and Cambria logo, a Power Balance hologram bracelet which uses holographic technology to resonate with and respond to the natural energy field of the body and increase sporting ability with the Coheed and Cambria logo on it, a jar of mayonnaise with the Coheed and Cambria logo on it, a VooDoo doll with the Coheed and Cambria logo on it, a thumb tack with the Coheed and Cambria logo on it, a beach towel with the Coheed and Cambria logo on it--
Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: [Interrupts.] I don't have time for this shit [Hangs up].
Disco:Very: Hello?  Are you still there?  Hello?

Monday, September 17, 2012

The Unintentionally Hilarious Press Photos of Bands Playing in My Area in the Near Future [Part 3] [Click Photo to Enlarge the Lulz]

Steve Albini Attacks The Flaming Lips for Turning Audience Into 'Slave Labor'

Chicago Dispatch Daily
Chicago, IL - September 17, 2012

Now that former Rapeman Producer/Songwriter Steve Albini has assailed former Dresden Dolls band member Amanda Palmer for what he alleges is exploiting her fan base after asking them to perform as her backing musicians without financial compensation, he how has his sights set on a new foe.

Oklahoma psych-popsters The Flaming Lips, and their now-traditional concert practice of outfitting audience members into animal costumes and making them frolic onstage behind the band.

"An artist should always strive to be financially and artistically autonomous", says the 50-year-old Musician/Producer. "But when you're asking your audience to make up more than half of the entertainment you're providing, it amounts to slave labor."

"If a homeless man can figure out how to live self-sufficiently on these mean city streets, then so can The Flaming Lips. A better business model, it seems to me, would be to simply add 50 members to your band and pay them to dance onstage dressed as a bunny each night. It's only right and natural."

But that's not all: Mr. Albini is preparing to battle with another injustice he sees in today's corporate rock industry: asking the audience to clap along with your music.

"I happen to catch a set by The Dum Dum Girls", Albini continues, "And there was one point of the show where the band began clapping to the beat during an instrumental passage. The audience began to mimic this clapping and essentially take it over from the band. Why not reward each audience member with a $20 bill for asking them to carry the rhythm section on their back? They're fans, which means they're going to do almost anything you ask them to, but this doesn't give you an excuse to abuse your privileges as an artist."

As for future plans, Albini has announced he will be bringing his fight into other areas of the entertainment industry, including magicians who ask for volunteers to be sawed in half, and comedians who expect the audience to answer such questions as "Who here is married?" while waiving any monetary benefits.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Class Action Suit Filed Against Estate of Kurt Cobain

Seattle Star News - Seattle, WA
September 13, 2012

A class action suit against the late singer/songwriter Kurt Cobain of Nirvana was filed earlier today by a small group of underground bands, including The Raincoats, Screaming Trees, Meat Puppets, The Vaselines, Eugenius, and Beat Happening, among others, for what they contend is reverse slander, the first lawsuit of its kind.

“When Kurt began championing us to his fans, it put undue pressure on us to live up to the expectations,” says Ana da Silver of UK female punk act The Raincoats. “This led to hundreds of people coming to our live shows and buying our records, and all of them came away unconvinced that we were as important as Kurt made us out to be. We were wobbly and dull—-barely a band which anyone should worship the way he did.”

“Then, in 1996, we were signed to Geffen Records and forced to record an unremarkable album [Looking in the Shadows] which ended up in the 99 cent remainder bins in record stores around the world, and it’s all Kurt’s fault. I’ve never forgiven him for what he put us through.”

Former Eugenius front man Eugene Kelly (later of The Vaselines) faced a similarly harrowing experience. “We weren’t exceptionally interesting, but as soon as Cobain began telling all of his fans that [Eugenius] were one of his favorites, our popularity went through the roof, and quite honestly, we didn’t deserve it. His fans initially embraced us but quickly retreated once they realized we were nothing special, and it drove me into a deep depression from which I am only now recovering.”

The class action suit seeks unspecified damages. The spokesman for the Cobain Estate could not be reached for comment, though Cobain's widow Courtney Love has weighed in via her Twitter page, yesterday tweeting the following statement, “Gng to kill all f u, vis cm the money u sk fks wnt wnt tuch yr lps.”

Monday, September 10, 2012

Disco:Very Responds to Reader E-Mails

BABE... i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been
tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of
garbage and keeps freezing.. anyways how u been?

I've been just fine, thanks for asking. Who is this, by the way?

In case u dont know who this is its ME Adriana.. we used to chat a bit
on facebook and then I think u deleted me :( haha.. anyways guess what...
I got 2 things to tell u.. both good news.. 1) im single now.. yup me
and my bf broke up about 3 months ago... and 2) guess where im moving?
RIGHT EFFING NEAR U.. lol... ur actually the only person im gonna know
there.. well 3 cousins too but i cant chill with them lol..

Wow, that's great news, Adriana. I don't recall deleting you on Facebook because, truth be told, I've barely figured out Facebook well enough to add postings, let alone delete anyone. Plus, my Facebook page is just me ranting about music, so why would I want to delete anyone from it? Maybe you said something upbeat about Modest Mouse? So sorry to hear about your break up--are you doing OK? You don't seem too upset about it so I'm assuming it was just a fling. Can you tell me where, exactly, you'll be moving by me? I live in a pretty ghetto neighborhood--very lower-lower-lower-middle-lower-class, so I'm worried for your safety.

I remember when we chatted u told me u thought i was cute and u wanted
to chill so now we finally can HAHA! im kinda scared to move.. im hoping
this email addy is still the one you use and u can chat with me ebfore
i get there.. maybe even help me move my shit in...are u still on facebook?
i coudnt find ui was soo confused...anyways im gonna need someone to show
me the town and take me out so u better be around bebe...

Hmmmm, I don't recall saying you were cute since I've never even seen you, and judging by your name and your grammar skills and your gender, I'm going to guess you're not my type. As for helping you move, yes I do own a large pick up truck but I don't even know you. That's kind of a lot to ask from a complete stranger.

i wanted to get ot know u better when i was single..and i thoguth u were
cute too but cudnt tell u cause i wasnt single lol...ok so more info about
me.. well im 23.. virgo.. love the outdoors and love to socialize, go out for
drinks, restaurants, movies etc.. travel.. i have a lil kitty named BOO and i luv
her to death... uhhh oh im a super horny gurl too but every gurl is they just wont
admit it. so ilove watching p0rn and all that.. love sex etc blah blah blah...who doesnt..

Adrianna, I don't mean to be judgmental but why would a 23-year-old woman be interested in meeting a 48-year-old who keeps a grumpy music blog? Are you sure these e-mails are going to the right guy?

I really hope we get a chance to chat for a bit either online or on the
fone before i get there enxt week.. i hope u remmeber me and still wanna
chill and arent married yet lol.. OH YA also.. i need to find a job when
i get there..

State and Federal laws prohibit me from marrying so you have no worries there. I can make some job recommendations but first you'll have to start using Spell Check, OK?

id LOVE to work in a bar or osmehting like that...really anythgin cause my current
job is fun and all.. and technically i CUD keep doign it but i want a change.. i
currently work from home and well thats cool but i need ot be out
meeting people.. oh wait. i dont think i ever actually told u what i
did? hmm shud i......???? ok WELLLL... and dont get all weirded out
on me.. i work on a webcam chat community site and i get paid to chat
with people and get naked HHAHA... BOMB right :)? I KNOW.. like i
figure iim horny anyways why not get paid to chat with people and play
with myself heheh...anyways i hope u dont look down on that and NO
help once i move and i remembered u live there so im reaching i
said before this computer is a complete piece of CRAP and freezes NON
STOP.. ive tried ot send this email to u maybe 3 times already and im
hopign this time i can hit SEND before i run into trouble lol..

So you send e-mails to people while sitting around naked? What's the harm in that? That's usually how I blog. Big deal.

ANYWAYS.. heres the deal....every month natalie (my boss) gives each
of us 3 VIP codes to give out to whoever we want.. so with this code u
can lgoin to watch me at work for free and dont have to pay like
everyone else... the only way i can give u one of the codes (so we can
chat) is if you absolutey DO NOT give it out to anyone else and u ONLY
USE IT FOR URSELF... i only get 3 a month and she gets pissed if more
than 3 people use them so DONT SHARE IT MISTER... i figured u cud
always email me back instead but my email account doesnt even let me
login half the time.. so the bets palce ot chat me is my chat room...

Hey, does Natalie has a snake tattoo on her left arm and a pierced uvula? If so, I think I know her cousin. He borrowed my Buck Owens boxed set and never returned it. Can you put me in touch with Natalie so I can get it back?

if theres anyone else logged in when u sign in ill boot them out.. but
I TRUST U... im online most of the day now to try and save money for my move..
also since im in such a huge debt already form my student loan :( I
really thingk we need to chat before i get there and make sure u evern
remember me hahha.. anyways ive rambled on and on now and ur probably
soooo annnoyed with me so ill stop now.. im gonna go start work.. i
really hope u come chat me. it wud make my day and releive a lot of my
stress about the move... REALLY i mean that....anyways once i see u in
insdie ill shoot u myc ell number and u can gimme yours.. if u dont

My readership only numbers in the single digits so I don't think you have anything to worry about.

wanna come chat i understand but its really the only palce to find me
now days.. if u email me abck ill probably get it once i get there
after my internet is setup so about 2-3 weeks fomr now.. but im hopign
to see u in my chat room.. rmemeber its 100% free with this code im
INSTEAD OF LICK U IN THE BALLS WHEN IS EE U hahahahha...k babe im out
for now... chat ya soon.. kisses xoxo Adriana

I don't have any balls, so kick away. They were removed in a freak blogging accident.


So...did you wanna talk about the new album from The Fresh & Onlys or something? I noticed your e-mail didn't mention a single album or band. Adriana? Are you still there?

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Hilarious Headline, Referencing Article Below Yet Cleverly Playing Homage to Current News Item

The special remastered deluxe edition of Disco:Very 2001 is now available as a 320kbps bit rate. Download disc one here. Download disc two here. There's probably something snarky I can say about this but it isn't coming to me at the moment. Maybe I should take up drinking--I'd be far funnier.

Friday, August 03, 2012

This is an announcement to proclaim that Disco:Very (gulp!) has finally joined Facebook.  Dear god, help us all.  If you care to accompany us on our journey, please be aware that all Disco:Very posts will reveal little, if any, personal information, and we will not be commenting on your personal information at anytime, ever. is a one-way dialogue, and we'd advise you to flow in the direction of the traffic.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The New York Times Reviews a Concert by The Honey Bees

The Honey Bees have a light yet urgent sound that evokes no less than a race towards immortality. Perky and pearly, they emit an unabashed beauty of the sort that you could carefully build a career around — as The Honey Bees will certainly do once they get off that blasted island. But one of the perils of beauty is inertia, and The Honey Bees are not about to fall into that trap, as they seemed almost too keen to prove at their beach side performance on Tuesday night, in a punchy and ultimately perplexing show.

There’s an underlying dichotomy in The Honey Bee's work, which functions both on the level of flickering intimacy and thundering grandiosity. They're adept at exuding human warmth on a sweeping scale, which might explain their tentative history with Bingo, Bango, Bongo, and Irving of The Mosquitos. Still, it’s striking how indifferent The Honey Bees are to their roles onstage. The future of the island's inhabitants rest on their tiny shoulders, yet they're unable to display the zeal required to convince The Mosquitos they, too, should be taken by helicopter in a last desperate attempt to finally leave their tropical prison.

What that means in practical terms is that The Honey Bees engineer wave upon wave of glittery combustion, sometimes packing several boomlets into their one and only hit You Need Us. Ms. Ginger's precisely rhapsodic solo was the concert’s most audacious feat of musicianship, followed by Ms. Mary Anne's corn-fed purring. The blue blood of the trio, Mrs. Howell, took full advantage of both accompanists, basking in their expertise and squaring it against her own inability to stay on tempo.

[Contrast this to the recent ramshackle debut performance of The Gnats at this same venue earlier this week and you'll notice a marked difference in quality.]

For much of the concert, the audience provided them with boisterous support. And there was a sturdy dynamism in the entire show, especially considering it was comprised of a performance for only a single song.

Instead the show barreled on to its mildly surreal conclusion: rather than rescue the castaways, as promised, The Mosquitos ultimately renege, citing as their main reason the superiority of The Honey Bees over their own talents, despite their having recorded a live album at Carnegie Hall.

In the end, The Honey Bees ended where they began, artistically stranded, left adrift in a sea of musical mediocrity. For this reviewer, it was obvious their ship had long ago sailed into the sunset.

Saturday, July 07, 2012

Free To Be, You and Me

There comes an important time in every person's life when they must stop living a lie, face all opposition and become who they truly are in order to flourish and become whole.  We at Disco:Very applaud R&B singer/songwriter Frank Ocean for casually revealing his previous love affair with another man earlier this week, and salute his bravery, honesty and candor. In a money-driven industry which enables and encourages that certain lifestyles be kept on the down low, it's refreshing to see a major rap star stay true to himself and Disco:Very welcomes Frank Ocean to the GLBTTQQIAAPNUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF* community.

*G stands for gay (adj., n.)

‘Gay’ refers to people who are attracted to their own gender and is usually used by men.

L stands for lesbian (adj., n.)

‘Lesbian’ is a word used primarily by women who are attracted to other women.

B stands for bisexual (adj., n.)

‘Bisexual’ denotes sexual attraction to two genders.

T stands for transgender (adj.)

‘Transgender’ is an umbrella term used for any person whose gender identity does not match their assigned sex. This term includes both binary and non-binary identified trans* people.

T stands for transsexual (adj., n.)

Transsexual people fall under the transgender umbrella, but usually this term refers specifically to binary-identified people transitioning from male to female (MTF) or female to male (FTM).

Q stands for queer (adj., n.)

‘Queer’ is another umbrella term that can be used to describe one’s sexual orientation and/or gender identity. While it has history as a slur, it has been largely reclaimed and is now used primarily to represent any person of a gender or sexual minority.

Q stands for questioning (adj.)

‘Questioning’ is included in our acronym to welcome anyone who may be unsure about their gender or sexual identity and wants a safe space.

I stands for intersex (adj.)

Intersex individuals are those who have an atypical biological sex. They may have ambiguous genitalia, which is sometimes “corrected” at birth, or they may appear outwardly male or female while chromosomally being another sex.

A stands for asexual (adj., n.)

An asexual person is one who experiences no sexual attraction. However, “asexual” is considered an umbrella term and also represents gray-asexuals and demisexuals.

A stands for ally (n.)

Allies are people who support the aims of the community. Allies can be heterosexual and cisgender (non-transgender) but it is important to remember that even within the community, we are all allies to one another.

P stands for pansexual (adj., n.)

Pansexual people are attracted to people of all genders. This term recognizes the wide range of gender identities other than man or woman, such as genderqueer, bigender, neutrois, and other non-binary identities.

N stands for nonsexual (adj., n.)

Nonsexual people are not attracted to people of any genders. This term recognizes the wide range of gender identities other than man or woman, such as genderqueer, bigender, neutrois, and other non-binary identities to which someone might not find themselves attracted.

U stands for Unsuresexual (adj., n.)

Unsuresexual refers to those who are unsure of what sex is, or who question if it truly exists.

FF stands for foot fetishist (adj., n.)

A foot fetishist is only interested in sexual activities which involve feet. This term recognizes that some sexual beings are unable or uninterested in any of the above sexual and non-sexual binary identities and prefer, instead, to simply focus on feet and this, too, should be welcomed into the sexual community.

FF stands for furry fetishist (adj., n.)

Furry fetishist is the description used for those into sexual role play involved with fictional anthropomorphic animal characters enabled with human personalities and characteristics.

FFFF stands for furry fetishist into fist fucking (adj., n.)

Furry fetishist into fist fucking is the description used for those into sexual role play involved with fictional anthropomorphic animal characters enabled with human personalities and characteristics, coupled with a healthy attraction to fist fucking.

FFFFFF stands for furry fetishist into fist fucking and flipping flapjacks (adj., n.)

Furry fetishist into fist fucking whilst flipping flapjacks is the description used for those into sexual role play involved with fictional anthropomorphic animal characters enabled with human personalities and characteristics, coupled with a healthy attraction to fist fucking whilst flipping flapjacks.

FFFF stands for fist fuckers into Freddy Fender (adj., n.)

Fist Fuckers into Freddy Fender is included in our acronym to welcome anyone who may be into a specific niche of fist fucking wherein said activity is accomplished while listening to Wasted Days and Wasted Nights.

FFFFF stands for fist fuckers into flapjacks which resemble Freddy Fender (adj., n.)

Fist Fuckers into flapjacks which resemble Freddy Fender is included in our acronym to welcome anyone who may be into a specific niche of fist fucking wherein said activity is accomplished while admiring flapjacks which, if tilted the right way, can somewhat resemble the visage of Freddy Fender.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Staying Propped Up

Oklahoma psych-rockers The Flaming Lips tearfully announced on their website that they have run out of ideas for costumes and props for their highly-visual lead singer to wear and are now seeking the public's input for a rash of new ideas. As a public service to this iconic band, Disco:Very submits the following outfits for the band's consideration:

ADVANTAGES: Playful game-like costume will encourage increased interaction between the band and the audience, recontextualizing conceptual boundaries of the performance space and its place in the larger public sphere.
DISADVANTAGES: Due to excessive consumption of alcohol by audience members, many will assume the costume to be a literal dartboard, leading to the throwing of actual pointed darts towards lead singer, possibly leading to severe injury, blindness or death, followed by protracted lawsuits between the band, its management and the venue's lawyers. Also, silly prop costume gives the band another way to hide the fact that they have no real songwriting skills of which to speak.

ADVANTAGES: Raises public awareness of the serious topic of  breast cancer and health issues for women, encouraging female audience members to schedule regular screenings with their doctors. Tour can be co-sponsored by local Breast Cancer Awareness organizations, who would be permitted to raise funds via strategically placed information booths at outdoor concert venue.
DISADVANTAGES: The mention of breasts will make those in the audience under the influence of various reality-enhancing drugs to giggle uncontrollably during entire concert. Also, silly prop costume gives the band another way to hide the fact that they have no real songwriting skills of which to speak.

ADVANTAGES: This costume's blank form examines notions of life's meaning and existence, questioning many facets of religion, morality and life itself. With no cultural signifier present, viewer is free to project identity and purpose to the person inside the costume, or eschew involvement altogether. Audience members at the band's outdoor concerts can engage in lengthy and complex philosophical discussions while waiting in line at the Port-o-Potty.
DISADVANTAGES: Heat created by stage lights will create large wet spots in crotch area resembling urine stains, thereby negating the seriousness of the entire image. Also, silly prop costume gives the band another way to hide the fact that they have no real songwriting skills of which to speak.

ADVANTAGES: Makes a symbolic commentary on issues of celebrity and identity, positioning lead singer, now framed within the format of a YouTube video, as target for the public's love and approval or, conversely, scorn and hatred. Audience can ruminate on the Internet's role in creating and discarding instant popularity worldwide through viral videos and related media.
DISADVANTAGES: Attempts to parody a popular website created over seven years ago will position the band as hopelessly out of date, especially considering the band's rapid advancement towards senior citizenry. The word "YouBoob" is a wince-inducing, painfully-unfunny pun on the iconic website's name, further solidifying the band's unfashionable disconnection from pop culture. Also, silly prop costume gives the band another way to hide the fact that they have no real songwriting skills of which to speak.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Dancing About World Peace is Like Singing About Architecture

Just when we thought our national nightmare was over, he returns. Before you accuse me of being a Negative Nigel, let's break down in real time why this man and his videos are so very reprehensible:

1. Please don't think that an upper-middle-class American encouraging some Iraqis to dance on cue is going to bring about love and harmony throughout the globe. There has never been world peace, there never will be world peace, and sloppy foot work to a fifth-rate Enya impersonator isn't going to change that.

2. Let's be realistic, here: this dude Matt didn't exactly get warring factions to come together in the interest of pacifist living. He didn't convince a gun-toting Israeli to spin into a waltz with an oppressed Palestinian. No, he simply set up his fucking camera, posted (I assume) notices around the village that he wanted extras to dance with him on a particular date and, presto! His job was done. Any idiot can get other idiots to mug for a camera.  This is why so-called reality television is so abundant.

3. His choice of music makes me want to pull out my own eyeballs, slice my head off slowly with a butter knife and then drive a 10-ft razor blade through each kneecap.  Many commentators on YouTube would toss about the word "inspirational".  I would, instead, describe this recording as "crazy-making".

4. Supporters of this man's work argue that this video is a reminder that, basically, everyone the world over is all the same and we should respect the beliefs and cultures of everyone else.  You need a fucking sappy video to tell you that??  That's just fucking Human Fucking Rights 101, baby.

5. The tot on his shoulders at the very end--who I assume to be his own offspring--is going to need decades of therapy when he grows up to find himself to be a part of this debacle.

On the plus side, it is admittedly pretty cool to get a seal to flap its appendages with you, I'll give him that.  Perhaps, in the end, Matt's legacy will be to bridge the opposition we face with our feathered and furry friends throughout the planet.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Cut Your Hair (and Your Losses)

If you needed further convincing on just how reprehensible Iron & Wine frontman Samuel Beam really is, take a moment to let your eardrums get raped by this. Iron & Wine's hemp seed granola persona has been inching ever closer to the early-70's era of shaggy hair and even shaggier music tastes, but now he's crossed a very long-haired, lice-infested line. Little Feat is one of those bands which we should be thankful has bit the dust--our lives are more enriched now that they're no longer on the charts and only brought up in conversation by Over Sixties who still think Lowell George was some sort of music icon. But with the legion of Iron & Wine fans growing each year, I worry that we'll soon be seeing a Little Feat resurgence thanks to this faux-folkie who resembles Jesus Christ but with none of the sex appeal. Are you going to tell me that all these years Beam has been secretly harboring a love of this funky-bluesy-funk/blues? Where does this slippery slope end? Will he next release a one-off single covering Firefall? Is he going to spearhead a tribute album to Barefoot Jerry? Is the next step a collaborative folk-cycle album with Gilbert O'Sullivan? For pete's sake, Sam, let the lunacy end.

Friday, June 08, 2012

Grand Theft Audio

Thanks to the new 25th Anniversary reissue of the 1986 Grammy-winning hit album Graceland, when you listen to this early version of All Around The World Or The Myth Of Fingerprints, you can almost hear the exact moment when Paul Simon steals this Los Lobos song right out from under them. Bonus joke: "Ever since the watermelon..."--what the fuck does that even fucking mean??

Bob Welch, former member of Fleetwood Mac, dead at 65 of self-inflicted gunshot wound

Alternate headlines:

It's no 'Rumours': Bob Welch dead at 65

Bob Welch, 65, Stopped Thinking About Tomorrow

Tusk, Tusk: Bob Welch, 65, Dead of Self-inflicted Gunshot Wound

Bob Welch, 65, Goes His Own Way (with a Blast!)

Over My Head, but Apparently Needed to Aim Higher: Bob Welch, 65, Dead of Self-inflicted Gunshot Wound

Bob Welch Told to 'Never Break the Chain'; Does So Anyway

Monday, June 04, 2012

Acoustic Cubicle

After seeing their awesome live show, this is how obsessed I have become with Yacht: I actually sat through an entire episode of a Tiny Desk Concert for the first time. God help us all.

Monday, May 21, 2012

The Perfection of Art is to Conceal Art. [And, Sometimes, Talent.]

Album Covers Which Somehow Escaped Being Added to the Permanent Collection at The Museum of Bad Art (click on the images to embiggen the lulz.)

Disco:Very Translates His Own Press Release Touting Free Give Away of Remastered Release of Disco:Very 2001

On May 24th, 2012, world-renowned music blog Disco:Very will reissue the acclaimed Disco:Very 2001 year-end compilation, which was originally given away to a small number of friends and family in December 2001.

[In this case, "world-renowed" means weird sections of the American midwest and two readers in Ireland, and "acclaimed" means "some people actually kept their CD's for a year before tossing them in the garbage".

"There is not a week that goes by without some fan of my current CD's asking if I will ever reissue the earlier comps", said Disco:Very CEO, Disco:Very. "The time felt right to remind the public why we are at the forefront of custom-made CD compilations given out free-of-charge on an annual basis." 

[How very edgy: still working in a media format less popular than the wax cylinder.]

As it has done for the past 12 years, blog readers are instructed to send their name and address to Disco:Very's e-mail address whereupon a CD will be immediately mailed to the requester.  Because Disco:Very respects its readers privacy, fake names are allowed in each request as long as the address is real.

[The validity of claims to privacy cannot be verified, so keep your soiled underwear locked up just to be sure.]

Longtime readers of Disco:Very and newbies alike will find much to like in this nostalgic trip from 2001, including artists familiar (The Magnetic Fields, Jurassic 5, Sigur Ros) and some off the beaten path (Zero Zero, Marvin Pontiac, Zoot Woman.)

[Anyone in the internet age who still can't stumble upon the music of Radiohead on their own must be some kind of specialized idiot. ]

The audio and cover art has been redesigned and remastered from top to bottom, so even if you already own an original Disco:Very 2001 CD, you should consider adding this newer edition to your collection for its crisp remastering and bold minimalist graphics.

[The original artwork from 2001 was so hideous, it was best to throw it all away and stick to the design of the last few years just to play it safe.]

Disco:Very is a music blog publishing since 2005 where it made a name for itself as an incisive, inflammatory blog of opinion, reviews and music links.

[In other words, just like every other music blog clogging cyberspace, but the author of this one doesn't know the meaning of the words "Give it up, already".]

Thursday, May 03, 2012

Let's Deciper the Lyrics to "Eveningness", the Best Track on the New Album by Lotus Plaza


Looking at my purse and not at you
I deathly need the rest of the tofu
Three’s a Crowd and Moopy and a foot
Chains smoking the drag and it’s a pain

I wouldn’t wear it again
And my waist is eveningness
I wouldn’t give it again
And my peas are eveningness
I wouldn’t have it again
And my pace is eveningness
I wouldn’t go it again
And my face is eveningness

Romper Room and gulls that pull it down
Shaggy mom and moves it to its head
Labor love and shadows aren’t that deep
I see them now and don’t want the bar keep

And now that I’ve seen how they change
I know the way you’d have it the same
My game is too pooped to change


[The most transcendent yet subtle musical interlude ever composed.]



Monday, April 23, 2012

Disco:Very Celebrates Record Store Day [By Being a Nuisance] - Part 7

Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: [Name of store], this is [name].
Disco:Very: I'm calling to find out your store return policy, specifically a vinyl album I just purchased at your Record Store Day sale.
Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: Was there something wrong with it?
Disco:Very: So many things wrong with it! I don't even know where to begin! First off, it was a special limited-edition vinyl copy of Nicki Minaj's masterpiece Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded and as we all know, Roman is an avatar of Miss Minaj, but because Nicki and Roman share so many aesthetic and representational similarities, the alter ego of Roman is barely perceptible!
Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: [Sounding confused.] Um, OK, so you're just unsatisfied with the music? And the record itself isn't broken or whatever?
Disco:Very: That's not the worst of it, my friend. The album was pressed on pink vinyl but but instead of, say, Pantone 18-2133, it's more like salmon or a dark apricot color when, clearly, it was supposed to be the color of Nicki's labia minora.
Unnamed Local Record Store: Her what?
Disco:Very: Her labia minora.
Unnamed Local Record Store: [Pause.] I don't know...uh...
Disco:Very: It's a type of flower.
Unnamed Local Record Store: So it's a type of flower on the cover?
Disco:Very: No, no. It's a type of flower which women enjoy carrying around. Lots of women have them, though not all of them.
Unnamed Local Record Store: [Completely lost in thought.] Uh...
Disco:Very: You can just ask any woman in the store the color of her labia minora. Go ahead, I'll wait.
Unnamed Local Record Store: Well, we're pretty busy here and...
Disco:Very: You can just call it out on the microphone, on the PA system in the store. You should just say into the microphone "Will the female customers and employees please bring your labia minora to the cash register please?".
Unnamed Local Record Store: Hang on. [Muffled sounds--appears to be asking a female employee how to handle this call. Female employee seems to know what a labia minora is, hangs up the phone without speaking to me.]

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Disco:Very Celebrates Record Store Day [By Being a Nuisance] - Part 6

Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: [Name of store].
Disco:Very: [Big breath, pause.] There is a remarkable moment when one listens to an album by Florence & the Machine when one realizes they are on a journey of the soul, and all of our hopes, dreams and desires are being laid out before us, naked yet shrouded, vulnerable yet wrought with bravery, and it is during these occasions when we find ourselves floating into the ether of togetherness, for we are at one with Florence & the Machine, and the artistic vision therein, and we are alone, straddling the blurry uncharted land where the sun meets the stars, exemplified by the sounds one hears in between each of their songs; for these quiet fleeting emotions have been captured on a limited-edition 10-inch Record Store Day release, made up entirely of the sounds one hears when Florence & the Machine is not performing, and I am hoping, yearning, praying that your store will have this silent recording, comprised entirely of the space between the songs. Yae, verrily: a record of nothing. Do you have this record, kind madam?
Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: [No response.]
Disco:Very: I can hear you breathing.
Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: [No response.]
Disco:Very: And it is like the opening of a swan's wing, the awning of--.
Unnamed Local Record Store: [Hangs up.]