Sucking In The Forties

Will someone please hurry up and invent a time machine so I can skip ahead to the future of Two Weeks From Now when my new favorite CD Sucks Blood by The Ohsees finally arrives in the mail? Also, can anyone out there invent a pill which makes me feel as elated as I do when listening to It Killed Mom, the current runaway favorite on my Urinary Hit Parade of Excitement? This song is why God invented the repeat button (and the urinary tract). Sad though I am to know that The Ohsees were only resurrected to spit on the grave of the now-dead Coachwhips, in my gut of guts, I am certain that if the future is going to be this bright, I gotta wear shades (that whoosing noise you hear is the sound of my jokes flying over the head of my 8 to 15-year-old target market.) (I suck.)