Ich Bin Ein Gringo

Don't look now but there is a good possibility someone has stolen my identity and switched it with the body and face of someone who is puro mexicano. Yes, I am partially of Mexican descent but I've always thought my mannerisms (such as driving a tan Toyota Camry) put me squarely in the category of muchos gringos. However, various remarkable events have taken place in the last few days which lead me to believe I am now livin' la vida Chicano. Witness, if you will:

1. Earlier today, in the shower at my local YMCA, some guy came up and began speaking Spanish to me. I replied in English and his retort was that he assumed I was Mexican! Is it because, naked, I resemble a hairless Chihuahua? Think about it!

2. A mere three days ago, I made a dinner comprised of tortillas, frijoles y queso, all ingredients used often in Mexican cooking! Also, I am quite adept at correctly pronouncing the word Tijuana. Coincidence?? Don't be so naive!

3. Last week on American Idol, the special guest mentor was none other than Jennifer Lopez, an actress/singer/clothing line entrepreneur who speaks Spanish! And she was raised Catholic--the very religion, out of all the world's religions, which annoys me the most! Do you see a pattern here?

4. The final straw in the burros back: just a few minutes ago, I happen to acquire the Nonesuch Explorer CD Festivals of Chiapas and Oaxaca, which contains some of my favorite field recordings of Mexican folk songs! Songs like Bats’i Son Martomail, K’in Sventa Ch’ul Me’tik Kwadulupe, Son Alegre and Danza de la Malincha! The truth hurts, eh, amigo?

The entire population of la raza blanca is in danger! Do I have to draw you a diagram?