Tuesday, April 03, 2007
A Short Reprise For Sufjan Stevens, Who Got Annoying, But For Very Good Reasons
Dress up as a cucumber fresh off the farm, accessorized with oversize Disney-style white gloves.
Outfit yourself in a cute Little Black Sambo outfit; refer to self as "wog".
Emulate the look and syntax of The Little Red Hen; complain that everyone in the band has refused to help write the songs; make off with entire take of ticket sales to teach musicians a lesson about the American roll-up-your-sleeves work ethic.
One half of the band is Confederate, the other half Union; Civil War battle reenactments take the place of between-song stage banter.
Wear giant tortilla costume with faint imprint of Jesus on it.
Outfit the entire band as Puritans; scold audience for immoral behavior, reenact the Salem Witch Hunt; lead entire audience to the gallows during encore.
Portray yourself as chitlins, drape entire body in pig intestines.
Sufjan is the White plantation owner, the entire band his slaves; lynchings occur upon audience request.
Dress up as praying mantis; wait for audience to come within striking distance, feast on prey.
Sufjan emulates President James Polk; dies after third song.
Concoct an entire suit made of snowy-white Marzipan; invite audience to eat it off you during the show.
Sufjan and the band dress as The Donner Party; eat one another by the end of the show (no encore).
Mimic the late Helen Keller, perform entire set deaf/mute.
Dress up as the Poky Little Puppy, prepare for role by consuming entire bottle of Valium before each show.
Dress up as the Indian Removal Act of 1830; negotiate land disputes with audience members residing west of the Mississippi River (if river not available in concert venue, substitute with nearest men's public urinal).
Impersonate the look/sound of P.T. Barnum; entire band dresses as circus freaks (bearded lady, man with no legs or arms, pinheads, conjoined twins, etc).
Band dresses up as sperm, Sufjan dresses up as egg; conception ensues during encore.