Showing posts with label dead celebrities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dead celebrities. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The New York Times Reviews a Concert by The Honey Bees

The Honey Bees have a light yet urgent sound that evokes no less than a race towards immortality. Perky and pearly, they emit an unabashed beauty of the sort that you could carefully build a career around — as The Honey Bees will certainly do once they get off that blasted island. But one of the perils of beauty is inertia, and The Honey Bees are not about to fall into that trap, as they seemed almost too keen to prove at their beach side performance on Tuesday night, in a punchy and ultimately perplexing show.

There’s an underlying dichotomy in The Honey Bee's work, which functions both on the level of flickering intimacy and thundering grandiosity. They're adept at exuding human warmth on a sweeping scale, which might explain their tentative history with Bingo, Bango, Bongo, and Irving of The Mosquitos. Still, it’s striking how indifferent The Honey Bees are to their roles onstage. The future of the island's inhabitants rest on their tiny shoulders, yet they're unable to display the zeal required to convince The Mosquitos they, too, should be taken by helicopter in a last desperate attempt to finally leave their tropical prison.

What that means in practical terms is that The Honey Bees engineer wave upon wave of glittery combustion, sometimes packing several boomlets into their one and only hit You Need Us. Ms. Ginger's precisely rhapsodic solo was the concert’s most audacious feat of musicianship, followed by Ms. Mary Anne's corn-fed purring. The blue blood of the trio, Mrs. Howell, took full advantage of both accompanists, basking in their expertise and squaring it against her own inability to stay on tempo.

[Contrast this to the recent ramshackle debut performance of The Gnats at this same venue earlier this week and you'll notice a marked difference in quality.]

For much of the concert, the audience provided them with boisterous support. And there was a sturdy dynamism in the entire show, especially considering it was comprised of a performance for only a single song.

Instead the show barreled on to its mildly surreal conclusion: rather than rescue the castaways, as promised, The Mosquitos ultimately renege, citing as their main reason the superiority of The Honey Bees over their own talents, despite their having recorded a live album at Carnegie Hall.

In the end, The Honey Bees ended where they began, artistically stranded, left adrift in a sea of musical mediocrity. For this reviewer, it was obvious their ship had long ago sailed into the sunset.

Friday, June 08, 2012

Grand Theft Audio

Thanks to the new 25th Anniversary reissue of the 1986 Grammy-winning hit album Graceland, when you listen to this early version of All Around The World Or The Myth Of Fingerprints, you can almost hear the exact moment when Paul Simon steals this Los Lobos song right out from under them. Bonus joke: "Ever since the watermelon..."--what the fuck does that even fucking mean??

Bob Welch, former member of Fleetwood Mac, dead at 65 of self-inflicted gunshot wound

Alternate headlines:

It's no 'Rumours': Bob Welch dead at 65

Bob Welch, 65, Stopped Thinking About Tomorrow

Tusk, Tusk: Bob Welch, 65, Dead of Self-inflicted Gunshot Wound

Bob Welch, 65, Goes His Own Way (with a Blast!)

Over My Head, but Apparently Needed to Aim Higher: Bob Welch, 65, Dead of Self-inflicted Gunshot Wound

Bob Welch Told to 'Never Break the Chain'; Does So Anyway

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Disco:Very Openly Invites Reader Hostility, Defends Most Hated Album on the Planet

The dirty diapers at Pitchfork went and gave Lulu, the debut collaboration between Elder Statesman Lou Reed and mosh mascots Metallica, their lowest available rating, and from the uproar one finds all over the music webisphere, Pitchfork is not alone in their disgust. Indie purists, please. Calm the fuck down. If there's one thing we've learned about Saint Lou over the years, it's that he's never going to stop merging his interest in highbrow literature with his passion for rock and roll. Stop insisting that he write another Sweet Jane and let the man fucking do his thing. If you can't slam your fists around the brutality which envelops the galloping Dragon or sink into the beauty of the lovely, lyrical 20-minute closer Junior Dad, then move along. Better yet, give it another spin, ignore Hetfield & Company and just pretend it's Robert Quine, Fernando Saunders and Doane Perry backing him instead.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

With Only 39 Years Left to Live, It's Time I Finally Got Around to Digitizing My Cassette & Vinyl Collection [Part 10]



The Texas Instruments - The Texas Instruments LP (Rabid Cat Records, 1987)

It's almost quaint to listen to the debut self-titled album by Austin's The Texas Instruments and remember how, for some of us, this hybrid of souped-up post-hardcore and politicized country punk was going to somehow eradicate all the backwards governing during the years of The Gipper.  Now we have Michelle Bachman as a front runner for the 2012 election and the loonies are strategizing to run the asylum.  Oh well.  At least now I can upload this LP to my iPod and pretend it's making Zombie Reagan spin in his grave.

Saturday, August 06, 2011

If There is a Jukebox in Heaven, I'll Bet It Never Requires Any Coins (Nor Would It Require Electricity) (Or Records)

Almost three years after the unbearably sad death of Lux Interior, I am now on Stage 6 of the Kubler-Ross Five Stages of Grief: listening to The Cramps Jukebox over and over and over in the vein hope that repeat listens of this 2-CD set will miraculously bring him back to life. Songs on this (authorized?) CD, such as Did You Mean Jelly Bean (by Joe Clay), Bila (by The Versatones), Real Wild Child (by Ivan), Olds Mo William (by Paul Peek) and Jennie Lee (by Jan & Arnie) are but a shallow balm for all the pain and loss in which I am still very much engaged. I'm so terribly lonely and cold. Hold me.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Only in 3's

Because these things always happens in 3's, there will be one more music-related celebrity death by the end of today, and furthermore, just like Poly Styrene and Phoebe Snow, the third death will have the initials "PS". Based on this formula, here are my guesses:
1. Pete Seeger
2. Paul Simon
3. Paul Stanley
4. Peter Sframpton

Please don't send me any hate mail about this list. I am a music scientist, and this is my research.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Wooly Bully

Now that cyberbullying has been outlawed by OPEC, or whoever the hell is in charge of these things, Disco:Very will review some recent albums, tempered by this kinder, more gentle format. [Click on each image to bask in its artistry.]

Band: Virus
Album: Raped by Mutants
A concerned global community thanks you for alerting us to the pervasive social problems which result from being sexually molested by aberrations residing in underground sewers filled with toxic sludge.

Band: Emily Osment
Album: Fight or Flight
Just a few years from now, you're going to make some plastic surgeon very, very wealthy.

Band: Ron Wood
Album: I Feel Like Playing
If your artistry on guitar is as good as your painting skills, we're in for a special treat!

Band: Daniel Schuhmacher
Album: Nothing to Lose
That is where you're wrong, my little schnitzel. You have one special thing to lose, and that is your innocence. Spread your wings, Daniel. Hold on to your hope. Dream. Believe.

Band: Kingfisher Sky
Album: Skin of the Earth
Bald eagle-centric album art + Kate Bush covers + cellos in a rock context = Another flawless masterpiece-come-lately for the best Dutch import since Kibbeling was first pulled from the deep fryer.

Band: Gin Blossoms
Album: No Chocolate Cake
Deceased leader Doug Hopkins is almost certainly spinning in his grave with pride after being told (by God) about this inspired album title, with a clever cover shot to match!

Band: Tinie Tempah
Album: Disc-Overy
Puns on the word discovery never go out of fashion.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Elliott Smith Fans Declare Jihad Against Fans of Pink Floyd. I Smell a Sitcom!

A fading street mural which happened to be randomly photographed for the cover of mopey suicide-y singer/songwriter Elliott Smith's hilariously overrated 2000 album Figure 8 was "tagged" earlier this week by low-wage lackees hired by 84-year-old Pink Floyd kingpin Roger Waters to virally promote yet another tour of the flogged-dead-horse mainstay The Wall.

The viral marketing utilized by Waters and his publicists involves high-profile/big-budget underground guerilla-styled postings promoting the upcoming tour through the use of crudely prited stickers, scripted in an excessively ornate, barely decipherable typeface.

Although the marketing campaign is being seen throughout the greater Los Angeles area, when it left its mark on the hallowed ground that is this anonymous mural on Sunset Boulevard, fans of Smith's work were outraged. "Elliott Smith literally painted this mural literally with his own blood!", screamed Smith follower Glewanda Furklemier. "You can see his tortured soul in each random curve and swirl. Why doesn't Barack Obama do something about this instead of wasting time on that silly oil spill?"

When it was pointed out to Ms. Furklemier that Mr. Smith did not, in fact, actually paint the mural, and that, instead, the photographer hired by his record company merely posed Smith against already-existing street art, Ms. Furklemier replied, "It doesn't matter who painted it. Pink Floyd is going to pay for this, mark my words. There will be a bloodbath of epic proportions, and we will choke the rivers with their dead!"

Ironically, the success of both Pink Floyd and Elliott Smith have relied almost exclusively on compositions involving depressed whining about emotional isolation, but this irony has been lost amid the uproar.

Asked to comment by phone, Roger Water's response--given while counting huge wads of cash--was, "Elliott who?"

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Second to None (Except for Everyone In First Place)

The general public fires off a myriad of e-mail questions towards the Disco:Very offices once it learns of the year-end free CD offer. In an attempt to quell potential uproar, let's discuss some of these inquiries openly:

1. I just sent you my address--does this mean I can expect to be stalked?
    Only if you want me to. And even then, what's in it for me?

2. The new year began over a week ago--where is my CD already?
    Do I come down to your job and insist you cook my Big Mac faster?

3. I'm with the RIAA.  You're under arrest.
    That's not a question.

4.  What songs were left off the CD, and why?
     The reasons are as varied as the rejects themselves.  Here are a few:
  • This track sounds too much like their other songs, only without the pathos.
  • This one is even too disco for me.
  • Another blogger already picked them as a year-end favorite, and I am a lone wolf.
  • They used a flute on a previous song, therefore they must be penalized.
  • My fans can only take so many songs in Portuguese in one sitting.
  • Sorrowful expressions of ethnic cleansing through song is sooooo 2005.
  • She lives six blocks away from me, and I do not pander to friends (again: lone wolf).
  • Time constraint, pure and simple (also: ew, she's a widow).
  • My fans can only take so many songs recorded on wax cylinder in one sitting.
  • Just because it sounds like "Sister Ray" doesn't make it as good as "Sister Ray".
  • This resembles Tom Petty a bit too much for comfort.
  • When the fey receptionist at my gym doesn't even know this song, this singer's career is dead.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Riffs and Variations on a Single Joke (A Not-Really-All-That-Funny Joke.) [silence.] [sound of crickets.]

How fitting that Susan Atkins, former follower of cult leader Charles Manson would pass away so close to the release dates of the two latest Sufjan Stevens albums: The BQE and Run Rabbit Run. As I sit here, listening to the spritely Movement III: Linear Tableau with Intersecting Surprise and the mournful Year of Our Lord, it occurs to me that the parallels between these two icons of American artistry have been staring us all in the face for quite some time:

  • Both have connections to swords. Susan Atkins witnessed Charles Manson injuring a guy with a sword. The name "Sufjan" means "comes with a sword".

    • Both became so-called Born Again Christians. For Susan Atkins, this occurred in 1974 while serving life in prison. For Sufjan Stevens, this occurred in 1975 (the date of his first and, so far, only birth).
    • Both are connected to nonsense ramblings which have no rational meaning but are misjudged by followers to be riddled with insight. For Susan Atkins, this can be found in the Manson's crazed racial-uprising scenario he termed "Helter Skelter". In the case of Sufjan Stevens, this can be found in such song titles as "A Conjunction of Drones Simulating the Way in Which Sufjan Stevens Has an Existential Crisis in the Great Godfrey Maze".
    • Both are/were imprisoned for life due to the crimes of their youth. For Susan Atkins, it was due to her role in the Tate/LaBianca murders. For Sufjan Stevens, it's due to being forced to come up with 48 more CD's to fulfill the terms of his "Fifty States Project".
    • Both initially avoided confessing to playing a part in several violent murders. Susan Atkins eventually confessed. Stevens has yet to.

    In addition, the name Sufjan Stevens has 13 letters in it, the same number of letters in the phrase: You bite my butt.

    In conclusion: are we still boycotting Whole Foods? It's the only place I can find green lentils.

    Monday, August 17, 2009

    They Are Insane, These Gallic!

    There hasn't been much time for me to post anything lately, what with all my waking hours spent getting Courtney Love ready for her stage debut in the musical version of Howard the Duck (she plays the title role). For now, you'll just have to be satisfied with me posting three albums of authentic '60's Ye-Ye French pop: the now out-of-print Ils Sont Fous Ces Gaulois! series, volumes 1, 2 & 3 (I haven't yet bought volume 4, though Dionysus Records apparently has it). Forgive me for lacking the album cover for Volume 1 (if anyone has it, please send it my way). I have to go now--I can hear Courtney screaming for her daily Oxycontin smoothie. There's hell to pay if I don't have it whipped up the minute she gets back from her court-ordered parenting class.

    Friday, June 26, 2009

    Thursday, May 28, 2009

    It's All In Your Mind, Jenna Elfman

    It stands to reason that the not-at-all-psychotic religion Scientology needs more money now that they'll be spending millions fighting fraud in a French courtroom. It's a shame potential celeb contributors who might be able to assist financially are either dead (Sonny Bono, Isaac Hayes) or their careers are (Karen Black, Edgar Winter). What's a murderous secretive cult to do? Thank goodness Beck stepped up to the plate (or the altar or the severed goat's head or whatever the fuck they use in their weird-ass Scientology services) to reissue his mostly-acoustic 1994 opus One Foot in the Grave. While it might not net the big bucks Tom Cruise brought them on...uh, Lions for Lambs (cough), there should be enough owners of the original release who'd want to shell out $16 clams for the 16 additional outtakes (including Feather In Your Cap, Mattress, Whiskey Can Can and It's All In Your Mind) which round out this collection. But it's not like Mr. Hansen isn't trying to do his part in keeping the Good Ship Scientology from sinking--heck, if his acting job as the ice cream scooper nerd in that new Verizon commercial is any indication, he's going to be padding the Scientology coffers for a long time to come! [Update: The Verizon commercial has been removed so this last joke is now lost to history, but trust me--the dude looked exactly like Beck.]

    Wednesday, May 20, 2009

    Christianity Declares Major Victory Over Hedonistic Homosexual Lifestyle Choice in Decisive Fight Over the Soul of America’s Youth

    May 20, 11:44 PM EDT

    By LYNN ELBER
    AP Television Writer

    LOS ANGELES (AP) – Religious activists across America were celebrating in the streets as clean-cut Christian vocalist Kris Allen took the most votes to become the 2009 American Idol, signaling what is seen by many leading experts as the final nail in the coffin for homosexuality.

    Openly gay runner-up Adam Lambert fell far short of the votes needed to win this year’s competition, thus prohibiting him from overthrowing the Holy Kingdom of God, and his defeat has sent reverberations throughout the Christian community.

    “It is such a relief that our faith has scored this huge victory,” said 15-year-old Ron Byrd of the Coalition Of Christian Kids (COCK). “Some might see American Idol as a fluffy, pointless singing competition but, in actuality, it’s a final battle of good vs. evil created by Jesus Christ Our Lord and Savior to decide, once and for all, the final outcome over the souls of America’s youth. Tonight’s final tally makes Christian faith the true victor for all eternity.”

    Almost immediately, homosexual social centers such as urban gay bars, lesbian knitting clubs and Banana Republic clothing boutiques began their shameful dismantling, conceding defeat to the onslaught of Christian votes which decided their fate forevermore.

    “Although we do not agree with tonight’s decision, we accept it with humility and grace,” said the President and CEO of Gay America, Sandra Weibel in a written statement. “The Christian Right certainly showed us who is in charge. They have won in what is certainly the single most important face-off our two opposing lifestyles have ever faced, and now that they have outnumbered us for good, we will quietly close shop and never be heard from again.”

    Many notable Christian activists such as Ted Haggard had spent the last 48 hours encouraging their followers to vote for Kris Allen over Adam Lambert in an effort to finally show the unrelenting Homosexual Cabal across America that Christianity would not shy away from this momentous crusade of Biblical proportions, as epitomized in a ratings-laden pop culture singing game show.

    “Now that the death of Homosexuality has been fulfilled, the Coalition Of Christian Kids can move on to other important issues,” Byrd said. “COCK is very important in my life and has shown me the way to true happiness. COCK has been good to me and I want to devote more time to it, because I love COCK.”

    Thursday, February 05, 2009

    Most of My Heroes Don't Appear on No Stamps

    Now that more of my pop culture icons are dying off, I've come to the slow realization that the artists who most changed my life are the least likely to have their passing mentioned on any mainstream TV shows.

    Case in point: this morning, still in a daze over the untimely death of Lux Interior, I switched on The Today Show expecting them to do a little retrospective video piece on his life. What the fuck was I thinking??? Somehow I equated my enormous affection for Lux with the amount of popularity his death would receive in the dominant culture.

    This has led me to conceive of a formula to articulate just how important a dead celebrity was in my life: if the newly-deceased artist garners no mention on the network news, they are truly one of my all-time favorite musical heroes. If the deceased artist garners video tributes on every channel--with sad tinkly music underneath--this means they are one of my sworn enemies.

    When Iggy Pop dies, there will be no mention on mainstream news. Ergo, he is one of my all-time favorite musical heroes.

    When Billy Joel dies, there will be retrospective videos all over the fucking place. Ergo, I hate his guts.

    When Exene Cervenka dies, there will be no mention on mainstream news.

    When Joni Mitchell dies, there will be retrospective videos all over the fucking place, doubtless with one of her sappy ballads played underneath.

    Daniel Johnston? No mention.

    Paul Simon? Non-stop video tributes.

    Bob Mould? No mention.

    Stevie Nicks? Non-stop video tributes.

    Mick Collins? All-time favorite hero.

    Joan Baez? Non-stop video tributes.

    Mark E. Smith? All-time favorite hero.

    Kim Gordon? All-time favorite hero.

    Captain Beefheart? All-time favorite hero.

    You can play this game at home yourself. All you have to do is wait for a celebrity to die. Usually, the wait isn't very long.

    PS: Rest in peace, Lux. You will be missed.

    Wednesday, April 09, 2008

    The Beatles Have Left the Building--Will All of Their Fans Please Head Towards the Exits?

    With only two of The Fab Four barely standing, pondering the legacy of their artistic impact becomes less and less interesting with each passing day. All that's left to ponder are the reactions of all the other bands when faced with such a pervasive cultural icon.

    In the case of the Ace Records comp Beatlemaniacs, you get to hear abundant examples of supreme nobodies attempting to touch the hemlines of Somebodies. Sonny Curtis spells it out deliberately: A Beatle I Want to Be. Others, such as The Fondettes cooing The Beatles Are In Town are much more keen to gaze from afar, enraptured over the fabulousness of the subject at hand (although one wonders why sisters this soulful would be hot under the collar over these honky Brits).

    I, however, much prefer the Third Reich and Roll-ness of The Better Beatles, yippee pranksters from out Omaha way who committed a hilarious fuck you to their lesser namesake on a one-off 7-inch single back in 1980. Thankfully, their entire slapped-together oeuvre (along with a heaping of outtakes) is now being offered digitally. Their bizarro version of Eleanor Rigby rips the pathos out of McCartney's hack dime-store-novel setting and recasts it as a hobbled sea chantey. Lady Madonna becomes a nonsensical New Wave stomp, while Penny Lane emerges as some sort of bastard child born betwixt A Flock of Seagulls and Flipper.

    Why, you might ask, should I care so much about musicians creating music as a reaction to other musician's music? Because, I reply, emotional scars on blatant display: someone has named their band after me and it's made me feel empathy for what John, Paul, George and Ringo must have felt upon hearing the imitators posted above.

    By the way, I'm going to be in LA for the next few days. If anyone knows whether or not Amoeba Records has guard dogs on duty during closing hours, call my beeper. I plan on figuring out a way to spend the night there somehow...

    Wednesday, January 23, 2008

    Tragedy (and, Ultimately, Comedy)

    I'm sure, by now, everyone reading this has heard the shocking news from which all of us are still recovering. A talented young actor showing so much promise, taken away from us much too soon in mysterious circumstances. Is he gone of his own design? Or was it an accident? I just need some closure! Can someone please tell me why Alltel saw fit to replace the chubby-dork-yellow-shirt Sprint guy with the chubby dork from The Shins in those new My Circle commercials? Unless the authorities commit to a thorough investigation into this tragic loss, we may never know the answer.*
    * This joke would be a fuck of a lot funnier if I could find you a link to the new Alltel commercials in question. Damn internet, with its secret handshakes and all...

    Thursday, January 10, 2008

    Please Die Already. Both of You.

    The new Jack Nicholson/Morgan Freeman film The Bucket List has really inspired me to reflect on life and death and what I hope to accomplish before God decides He wants me to join Him at The Big Table. So in the spirit of this heartwarming film, I've decided to start a list of all the movies I hope never to watch before I kick the bucket:

    1. The Bucket List

    That's all I've come up with so far, but as long as dirty old man (but not in a good way) Nicholson and controversy-free negroid white man Freeman keep making movies, the list should continue to grow by leaps and bounds.

    Monday, October 29, 2007

    Break On Through To the Other Side (Of a Non-Physical World Which May or May Not Exist)

    Preparations

    Disco:Very: I'm hoping to get in touch with downbeat indie folk spokesman of a generation Elliot Smith.
    Lisa Williams: First off I will need a personal item of the deceased.
    Disco:Very: How about this used copy of Figure 8, the last album he'll ever release (barring endless posthumous recordings dug up by his family in an effort to pad their royalty checks for the next 20 years)?
    Lisa Wiliams: I'm frightfully sorry but in order for me to channel the energy of the dead, the personal item needs to have been owned by the deceased. Did Elliot Smith himself personally touch this recording?
    Disco:Very: [Sobbing] Every song he ever wrote was touched by him personally! [Shreiking in pain] NOBODY WHO WAS A REAL FAN OF ELLIOT SMITH WOULD EVER ASK A QUESTION LIKE THAT!!!

    The Reading Commences

    Lisa Williams: We are about to enter the Spirit World. Basically I act as a bridge. I go between the physical reality to which you are accustomed and enter what I call The Energy Sphere which is where your dearly departed Elliot Smith resides. You might say I'm like a waiter--I take requests from you, the hungry customer and I pass your request on to the Chef, i.e. the deceased. And the deceased will whip up a scrumptious dish of Spirit Wisdom, served with a side order of Tears, Hugs and Understanding. For dessert, we offer a scoop of Closure. And then I present you with a whopping check.
    Disco:Very: Can I pay with Food Stamps?

    Entering the Spirit Sphere

    Lisa Williams: I'm sensing something...I'm sensing a reflection, something shiny...
    Disco:Very: [Excited] Is it the dark mirror which Elliot Smith held up to society so as to make us more aware of our own pain and suffering?!?
    Lisa Williams: It appears to have a handle at the end...
    Disco:Very: [Bored] Oh. It's probably the knife he used to stab himself in the chest. [Yawns.]
    Lisa Williams: Would you like to communicate something to Elliot Smith?
    Disco:Very: Yes, yes I would. Elliot, can I get a refund of $14.99? Its the amount I spent on Either/Or back when it first came out and after only the first verse of the first song, I immediately felt cheated.
    Lisa Williams: Elliot is trying to say something back...I see an F and a U...an F and a U...
    Disco:Very: Who knew that a overly-depressed heroin addict could be so feisty? And would spell "Fuck You" incorrectly?

    The Conduit to the Spirit World Wraps It Up

    Lisa Williams: Is there anything else you'd like to convey to your dearly departed?
    Disco:Very: Sure thing. Elliot, if there really is a Rock and Roll Heaven, does that mean everyone and anyone up there is allowed to join the band? Sure, you want John Lennon to take part in some capacity, and maybe Jimi Hendrix (if he promises to keep the guitar wankery to a minimum) but are you obligated to allow Sonny Bono to take part? Or Sublime vocalist Bradley Nowell?
    Lisa Williams: He appears to be fading...I seem to be losing him...
    Disco:Very: Please tell me he isn't darting away to rehearse for any upcoming Heatmiser reunions...