A Year of Regret, Misery, and Unending Pain--Set to a Jaunty Soundtrack!

Our annual 2-disc giveaway (given the title this year of Disco:Very 2012) is now available for you to enjoy, in two different formats.  1) E-mail us your name and address (faked names are acceptable, perhaps even encouraged) to receive a smartly-designed CD format (which Youth now declares dead), or 2) for a digital version, simply download Disc One here and Disc Two here.  File sharing between two or more people is the love which dare not speak its name.

Hilarious Headline, Referencing Article Below Yet Cleverly Playing Homage to Current News Item

The special remastered deluxe edition of Disco:Very 2001 is now available as a 320kbps bit rate. Download disc one here. Download disc two here. There's probably something snarky I can say about this but it isn't coming to me at the moment. Maybe I should take up drinking--I'd be far funnier.

With Only 40 Years Left to Live, It's Time I Finally Got Around to Digitizing My Cassette & Vinyl Collection [Part 4]

Cee Bee Beaumont - The Incendiary Sounds of Cee Bee Beaumont (7" EP on Big City Records, [year of release unknown])

A nasty-loud four-song EP of wooly garage/surf lacking enough varnish to make Billy Childish sound like Steely Dan. So obscure, even Discogs doesn't list it (yet). Grab this saucy slice of rawness if you want to make your life just a tiny tad more livable.

Disco:Very 2010 2-CD Comp Now Available for Free (Or Best Offer)

It took far longer than it should have to complete, but Disco:Very 2010, our annual year-end free-of-charge best-of compilation, is finally done. This 2-disc extravaganza is chock full of booty-wailing, fist-shaking, foot-bleeding goodness (now with 28% fewer foreign languages)! You can download disc one here and disc two here, and the track listings are here. Or if you prefer a physical copy with all the graphic trimmings, send your mailing address to the e-mail at the end of the column on the right. While we might not respect you, we do respect your privacy and the name/address you send will never be sent to anyone else. Supplies are limited (meaning: I ran out of empty CD cases) so send your request in today!

With Only 40 Years Left to Live, It's Time I Finally Got Around to Digitizing My Cassette & Vinyl Collection [Part 3]

Mike Rep & the Quotas - "Heroes..."/"...and Idols" (7" single on Bag of Hammers, 1993)

Lowest-of-Lo-Fi early-90's grunge rock (only without the grunge and spelled "rawk", thank you very much), layered with thick swatches of Velvet-y squeals (on the A-side) and a humble Modern Lovers beat (on the flip). To the best of my knowledge, nobody else on the web has this single available for download, begging the question: "Do I have to do everything around here??"

With Only 40 Years Left to Live, It's Time I Finally Got Around to Digitizing My Cassette & Vinyl Collection [Part 2]

X-Ray Pop - DS/El Gato (7" single, 1984)

Endearing mid-80's keyboard-based French New Wave, with the kind of lulling Gallic vocals which would make Stereolab cry with jealousy. Although you can find downloads of their other records all over the web, I've not seen this single anywhere for download yet, so grab it now because the clock will be ticking for the next 40 years, bub.

With Only 40 Years Left to Live, It's Time I Finally Got Around to Digitizing My Cassette & Vinyl Collection [Part 1]

Al Perry & The Cattle - Fraidy Cat (cassette, 1986)

Nearly sixty minutes of sloppy lo-fi cowpunk instrumentals recorded on a cheap ass four-track with a portrait of Link Wray looking on in approval. Each sans-vocal track is a mini masterpiece, with the average running time barely eclipsing the two-minute mark. The range of sounds go from punk (with a hint of blues) to country/western (with a dash of punk) to blues (with a smidgen of surf) to noise (with a blast of noise wrapped in a deep-fried tortilla made of noise). This is quite possibly the greatest local release to ever come out of Tucson, AZ. If you aren't interested in hearing it, I will pee on your grave.

FORGOTTEN FAVORITES RECENTLY HEARD ON MY iPOD
[DURING WHICH I PEED MY PANTS WITH EXCITEMENT]

Children of Tomorrow by Itavayla [Buy]

Mommy and Daddy by The Monkees [Buy]

Chemiroch by Unknown [Buy]

Out by Mike Rep & the Quotas [Buy]

Mesela Mesele by Tunay Akdeniz and Gigrisim [Buy]

Cademar by Tom Zé [Buy]

WORT FM USA Interview by The Slits [Buy]

What Is a Party? by The Moog [Buy]

Untitled by Charlie Tweddle [Buy]

Pärt: Spiegel Im Spiegel by Arvo Pärt [Buy]

Les Souvenirs, Les Souvenirs by France Cartigny [Buy]

Here's the Thing by Girl Talk [Buy]

An Obvious Set-Up, Followed By Laughter You Will Be Powerless to Stop. Plus, Bono is a Putz.

For once, I am in complete agreement with Bono. All anyone need do is look at the way China has successfully curbed its citizens from enjoying freedom of information. If torturing is good enough for Americans to inflict on suspected Al Queda operatives, why not do the same for those who provide free music to the general public? I am so committed to this very notion that I have attached a taser machine to my testicles in a show of support. This expensive contraption is designed to activate any time I should dare to share music files with my adoring public.

On a lighter note, I've just discovered a new band named UV Race whose music has been non-stop on my headphones. Here are a few of my favorite tracks:

Gore Orphanage

[OH MY GOD!!! MY GONADS!! MY PRECIOUS DELICATE GONADS!!!]

All the Things I Do

[DEAR GOD, MAKE IT STOP!!! MAKE THE PAIN STOP!!!]

The UV Know

[HELP ME, BONO!! HELP ME WITH THE PAIN!!! MY BALLS ARE ON FIRE!!! CAN'T YOU WRITE A SONG OR A FUCKING OPERA ABOUT THE PAIN AND MAKE IT GO AWAY???]

Meet Me Under the Clocks

[AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SHARE QUALITY TIME WITH MY TESTICLES AGAIN!!!]

They Are Insane, These Gallic!

There hasn't been much time for me to post anything lately, what with all my waking hours spent getting Courtney Love ready for her stage debut in the musical version of Howard the Duck (she plays the title role). For now, you'll just have to be satisfied with me posting three albums of authentic '60's Ye-Ye French pop: the now out-of-print Ils Sont Fous Ces Gaulois! series, volumes 1, 2 & 3 (I haven't yet bought volume 4, though Dionysus Records apparently has it). Forgive me for lacking the album cover for Volume 1 (if anyone has it, please send it my way). I have to go now--I can hear Courtney screaming for her daily Oxycontin smoothie. There's hell to pay if I don't have it whipped up the minute she gets back from her court-ordered parenting class.

"Aleister, Come Out to Play-ee-ay..."

Who is Aleister X and when is his debut CD ever going to come out? His hybrid mash-up of Stiff Records-era Wreckless Eric, Ian Dury and the sloppy/slappy disco of Captain Sensible is a 4/4 rock 'n' roll rave-up and a New Wave pogo party at the same time, all the while never removing some of the most ghostly pancake make-up ever affixed to a face. (Bonus points for the couplet, "That friend of Pete's is a fucking twit/That creepy cunt tosser is a real tom tit.") You'd think being linked with Andrew WK would have given him a dozen hits three times over but, so far as I can tell, nothing is yet available for purchase. Join me, then, as I offer these ultra-lo-fi rough-mix downloads of a few of the better tracks at his MySpace page: Tom Tit, Bangers 'n' Beans and On Yr Todd. Something tells my gut I will be forced to remove all of them within a few days time, so grab them before Aleister kicks my butt for posting them. I don't mind telling you I'm afraid of what a guy who dresses like The Baseball Furies might do to me.

[Update: Aleister X now has all of his should-be-hits on iTunes, all of them waiting for you to take them home and make them your own.]

FORGOTTEN FAVORITES RECENTLY HEARD ON MY iPOD
[DURING WHICH I PEED MY PANTS WITH EXCITEMENT]

Solid Gold by Eagles of Death Metal (buy)

Sinking Ship by The Clean (Currently Unavailable)

Kawliga by The Residents (buy)

Nervoused Out by Joe King Carrasco & the Crowns (Currently Unavailable)

Juicy, Juicy, Juice by Royal Trux (buy)

(Dancing On a) Saturday Night by The Bay City Rollers (buy)

Surfin' School by King Uszniewicz And His Uszniewicztones (buy)

Pink Flamingos on Coffee Pot Boulevard by Steve Nieve (buy)

Mysteries of Love by Antony & the Johnsons (buy)

All Wrong by Kaada (buy)

School for Robots by Bruce Haack (buy)

Lunar Module by Big Dipper (buy)

Expressway to Yr Social Security Retirement Check

The one upside to the Patriot Act is the little-known provision allowing Federal authorities to forcibly remove musical instruments from any past-it performer reaching the age of 70: happy birthday and say goodbye to your artfully detuned gee-tar, Thurston Moore.  It's time for the broken-hip hipsters to step down and let the real youth-who-would-be-sonic take their rightful place on the world stage.  All the way from Monterey, Mexico come the incredible noise-maven mavericks Los Llamarada who, for reasons unbeknownst to me, are allowing Nene Records to offer free tracks abundanza to download pronto.  I'm overjoyed with pee (the happy kind) to see Siltbreeze pushing out releases by Psychedelic Horseshit and Teenage Panzerkorps, but until they sign up our scuzz-pop neighbors South of the Border, I'm going to be tattooing the word revenge on my knuckles as punishment for their oversight.  Yes, you don't have to tell me: I only have 5 knuckles.  Abbreviating it to revng will still have the same impact, thank you very much.

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything (Except Massage the Prostate of Jesus Christ) (Because, Hello? One of Them is a Giant Cucumber): A VeggieTales Movie

There is one thing you should know about Juno: I am that sassy too-wise-beyond-her-years pregnant teenager. Of course, when the producers approached me about fusing my life onto celluloid, they couldn't bear to end the movie the way I really lived it--with a glorious celebratory abortion (we had cake, party favors and a Squarebob Spongepants pinata to bash around). Fear of box office failure led the movie's producers to center the main premise around sloppy-seconds adoption, and this avoidance of the truth has made me bitter. From now on, I not only want to watch films which end with discarded fetuses, I want the classics of screenings past to be remade with loud-and-legal abortions figured prominently into the storyline: Citizen Kane, On the Waterfront, Bambi, My Dinner With Andre, March of the Penguins...

I mention all of this because my favorite Born Again/Dadaist rap group Soul Junk is offering up two unwanted mostly-instrumental embryos to download for free. Both mixes are freaky, fucked-up and funky and should your ears choose to midwife these beats, they will enrich your pointless life for years to come. If you aren't emotionally stable enough to trudge through their unending postings of Bible-spouting invective, save yourself the heart palpitations and download both tracks from your friendly neighborhood Disco:Very atheist here and here.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving...Joy (If You Like It) ...Headaches (If You Don't)

For those of you paying close attention, every year Disco:Very offers you a nifty one-of-a-kind (though mass-produced) year-end collection of music.  Just like last year, you can obtain it two different ways: 1) through a harsh, unemotional digital download, or, 2), you can pass along your mailing info to the e-mail address on the column at left (using a fake name is acceptable, perhaps even encouraged) whereupon you will be sent a sweet CD package in a week or less.  For those lacking cultural refinement, download it as two Zip files here (Disc One) and here (Disc Two).  Song titles/names can be viewed here.) And just like last year, I've provided a list of imperfections in picking an insensitive download over receiving a precious bundle of CDs in the mail [Click on image below to see it more clearly]:

The fine print: If you choose to receive the CD package through the mail, please be assured that once you have received this free gift, your (real or fake) name and e-mail/home address will be thrown away. I will not send you spam (unless receiving spam is the only way to validate our relationship). Delivery time of a CD package can be anywhere between 5 days and 2 weeks, depending on my ability to move my ass into high gear. This offer is good until I forget ever offering it.

Bless the Beasts and the Children (Except for Children Adopted by Celebrities, and Certain Beasts Who Use Their Claws as Murder Weapons)

While Disco:Very was deeply saddened to hear of Benazir Bhutto's demise, one still must question the decision to hold such a volatile political rally directly in front of the tiger cage at the San Francisco zoo. It doesn't take a brilliant blogger to see where that tango step was going to land. Sorrow and pity must also be expressed over the imminent loss of the free 2006 Disco:Very year-end downloads, which will be removed in less than 48 hours to make room for the newly-commissioned 2007 Disco:Very year-end download, which should rear its slimy head sometime on New Year's Day (I'm crowning as we speak).

If you missed out on last year's byte-o-rama, this is your last chance to grab them as bona fide downloads (henceforth, they will be mail order only). Disc One is here and Disc Two is here; titles/names can be downloaded here. Please note that Pakistan will be withholding all elections while all downloads are proceeding. Democracy is a wondrous thing but only if citizens are obeying the fascist ordinance keeping it in place.

FORGOTTEN FAVORITES RECENTLY HEARD ON MY iPOD
[DURING WHICH I PEED MY PANTS WITH EXCITEMENT]

Strange Eyes by Sunz Of Man, 12 O'Clock & Blue (buy)

Never Say Never by Queens of the Stone Age (buy)

Pause by Sudden Ensemble (buy)

My Painted Tomb by Sun City Girls (Out of Print)

Who Will Be The One? by Bill Lee (buy)

I Don't Own My Own Heart by 100 Flowers (buy)

Gritty Shaker by David Holmes (buy)

I Wanna Sleep In Your Arms by The Modern Lovers (buy)

Green Tambourine by Mrs. Miller (buy)

Passover by Concrete Rubber Band (buy)

Fumbling Over Words That Rhyme by Edan (buy)

Demolition Girl (early version) by The Saints (Out of Print)

Zoology by Puppetmastaz (buy)

Salut Les Copains by Eux Autres (buy)

Pair Back Up Mass With by The Howling Hex (buy)

Pit Stop (Take Me Home) by Lovage (buy)

Untitled Track 1 by an Unknown Cambodian Group (buy)

Jury Mulled $3.6 Million Download Award

By JOSHUA FREED WEED
AP Business Writer

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) -- Some of the jurors who levied a $222,000 penalty last week against a Minnesota woman for illegally sharing music online would have liked her to pay a more meager amount. "After all, this is a lawsuit involving the RIAA," one juror said. "If it were solely up to me, I'd prefer to shove a Q-Tip into the piss hole of that particular prick."

Jammie Thomas, 30, is one of about 26,000 people the music industry has sued for copyright infringement and the first to take a case to trial.

The six record companies that sued her accused her of illegally dowloading songs and offering 1,702 for other people to download from her Kazaa file-sharing account. She denied ever using file-sharing software.

However, moments before deliberations began, the jurors were presented with a list of artists whose music Thomas has been sharing:

Guns N Roses
Vanessa Williams
Janet Jackson
Gloria Estefan
Goo Goo Dolls
Journey
Sara McLachlan
Aerosmith
Linkin Park
Def Leppard
Reba McEntire
Bryan Adams
No Doubt
Sheryl Crow
Richard Marx
Destiny’s Child
Green Day

after which the jury quickly agreed unanimously that Thomas, a mother of two from Brainerd, had infringed on good taste and ordered her to pay $80 trillion dollars per shit song, per shit artist. She has also been sentenced to death by hanging and a public stoning, both of which would take place about one hour from now.

Thomas plans to appeal the decision.

I Peak, You Peak, We All Peak for Ethiopique

I hasten thee to visit the wacky world of Chocoreve where seemingly every album ever released is offered for the price of clicking a mouse. Lately, he's been posting every blessed CD in the Ethiopiques series, one volume at a time. It would behoove you to grab these links as soon as you're able--who knows how long it will last before the gatekeepers at Buda Musique track him down and force him into solitary confinement?[Update: It appears that Chocoreve has died. You're probably too late to download anything from him anymore. RIP, Choco. You were the man.]

Disposal Proposal

An avid reader in Lawrenceville, GA has complained to me that he doesn't own Static Disposal by Debris, (an album released many years ago) frustrated that he might be missing out on some awesome head-pounding musical excitement. I admonish him to download the vinyl version from me while awaiting the purchase of the newly-reissued CD version boasting a buttful of extra tracks:

01 One Way Spit

02 Female Tracks

03 Witness

04 Tricia

05 Boyfriend

06 Leisurely Waiting

07 New Smooth Lunch

08 Manhattan

09 Flight Taken

10 Tell Me

11 Blue Girls

Debris died for our sins, dear readers--the least we can do is reenact the 11 Stations of Their Cross.