Tragedy (and, Ultimately, Comedy)

I'm sure, by now, everyone reading this has heard the shocking news from which all of us are still recovering. A talented young actor showing so much promise, taken away from us much too soon in mysterious circumstances. Is he gone of his own design? Or was it an accident? I just need some closure! Can someone please tell me why Alltel saw fit to replace the chubby-dork-yellow-shirt Sprint guy with the chubby dork from The Shins in those new My Circle commercials? Unless the authorities commit to a thorough investigation into this tragic loss, we may never know the answer.*

* This joke would be a fuck of a lot funnier if I could find you a link to the new Alltel commercials in question. Damn internet, with its secret handshakes and all...