Wednesday, March 07, 2007

A Social Contract With Ann Coulter

1. WHEREAS this agreement applies to the tenuous relationship between Ms. Ann Coulter and the American Public; and

2. WHEREAS this agreement in principle, signed in conformity with the provisions of Chapter 7 of the Agreement on Internal Bigotry (AIB), aims to reduce barriers to communication and is intended to allow both parties to have access to trading insults in all American jurisdictions; and

3. WHEREAS this is a provisional agreement which will be taken forward to each regulatory body for ratification and approval by March 7th, 2007; and

4. WHEREAS parties agree that the situational insults are defined and agreed upon by both parties; and

5. WHEREAS Ann Coulter is free to use the term "Faggot" however and whenever she sees fit, pertaining to politicians and anyone disagreeable with her political views, for the immediate benefit of increasing her book sales, speaking engagement fees and providing sought-after Right-Wing zealot street cred.

6. THEREFORE, the American Public is allowed to forever more return insults towards Ann Coulter, allowing Ms. Coulter to be labeled by the American Public, en masse, as follows:

a) Cunt

b) Stupid Cunt

c) Ugly Cunt

d) Horse-Face Cunt

e) Stupid Bitch Cunt

f) Fuck-Pig Cunt

g) He-Woman Cunt

h) Butt-Ugly Cunt-Face Cunt

i) Indeterminate-Gender Cunt

j) Fucking Dumb-Ass Cunt

k) Anal Cunt (with deepest apologies to the band Anal Cunt)

l) Androgynous Butch-Cunt

m) Transsexual Hatchet Job Cunt

n) Cuntzilla, Queen Of The Cunt People

o) Bitchy McCunt Cunt

p) Coulter-Cunt, The Ugliest Cunt of Cuntville

q) Count Cuntula

r) You Is One Ugly-Ass Man-Cunt

s) The Cunt Ann Coulter, An Adams-Apple Sporting, Freakishly Tall Overtly-Masculine, Never-Been-Linked-Romantically-With-A-Man Asexual Cunt Hole

t) Ms. Cunt

RESOLVED that under this paragraph, signatories are formally committed to implement the agreement.

Signed On This Day of March 7th, In The Year Of Our Lord, 2007

6 comments:

Highlander said...

I think my personal favourite is (n) but I wanted to check I can still use it even though I am English? Can you include a sub-clause or some such?

Anonymous said...

I love you disco:very!

Pus

Steve said...

or my fav ... Cunty McCuntington

Anonymous said...

Tears of grateful laughter pouring forth, I must choose f)

Brilliant and much needed, disco!

Anonymous said...

{heart}
cunt-tacular!

Alexei Luthor said...

I used to refer to my old boss with the nickname "CUNTLY". I even made a cartoon character out of her and made her VP of Public Uglification and Shopping Online... LOL