Oops.

I completely forgot to mention: I moved over to Facebook about 2 years ago and never bothered to tell any of you.  If you wish to once again enjoy my witty banter, this is where you can get a daily dose once more.

With Only 39 Years Left to Live, It's Time I Finally Got Around to Digitizing My Cassette & Vinyl Collection [Part 18]

The Crafty Ladies - A Crafty Ladies Christmas (7-track EP 7" on Harlod Records, 1994)

[Click photos to enlarge the lulz.]

I'm so sorry posting this.  I'm very sorry.  Dear god, forgive me.  I'm so sorry for this.  Oh my, oh dear.  I apologize to each and every one of you.  I'm feeling so guilty for posting this.  Oh my, I'm sorry.  Please forgive me.  I'm so sorry.  This is the most offensive thing I've ever posted.  I'm so sorry.  There will be a special place in hell for me.  Oh my god, I am so sorry.  I hope you can forgive me someday.  I deeply apologize for this.  I'm so sorry.  I'm so very sorry.  Mea culpa.  Mea maxima culpa.  Please forgive me, baby Jesus.  I'm so very sorry.  I'm so sorry posting this.  I'm very sorry.  Dear god, forgive me.  I'm so sorry for this.  Oh my, oh dear.  I apologize to each and every one of you.  I'm feeling so guilty for posting this.  Oh my, I'm sorry.  Please forgive me.  I'm so sorry.  This is the most offensive thing I've ever posted.  I'm so sorry.  There will be a special place in hell for me.  Oh my god, I am so sorry.  I hope you can forgive me someday.  I deeply apologize for this.  I'm so sorry.  I'm so very sorry.  Mea culpa.  Mea maxima culpa.  Please forgive me, baby Jesus.  I'm so very sorry.

Hilarious Headline, Referencing Article Below Yet Cleverly Playing Homage to Current News Item

The special remastered deluxe edition of Disco:Very 2001 is now available as a 320kbps bit rate. Download disc one here. Download disc two here. There's probably something snarky I can say about this but it isn't coming to me at the moment. Maybe I should take up drinking--I'd be far funnier.

My head is hung in submissive shame as I announce that Disco:Very has now joined the reprehensible Twitter.  Same pithy postings, but now with 80% less content.  Postings will continue apace here at the mothership, but now you can get snarky Tweets for those times when I'm too lazy to link actual music.  Look, if you want this relationship to work, you're going to have to support me on this.  Divorce is not an option.

Vag-Tastic!

Am I the only fan of this song who assumed the first line was "Vagina is greater..."?  In my mind, I had assumed this was some pro-Matriarchy right on Feminist treatise.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Live Blogging The 2011 Telluride Film Festival

I have an idea how Sony Pictures Classics can market their forthcoming Holocaust survival flick In Darkness: "It's Schindler's List...filmed in tunnel vision!"  Also, they should consider changing the title to the catchier Sewer Jews.

George Clooney is here in person, apparently. This caused several people to riot, burn down dozens of theaters and march through the streets with Ken Burns' head impaled on a pitchfork.

This year's Guest Director (and one of my musical heros) Caetano Veloso is signing autographs today, and I've brought several CD's for him to mark up. Here's how I hope it will go down:

Disco:Very: Good evening, Caetano. You are but a god.
Caetano Veloso: Thank you, Disco:Very. You are one of my idols.
Disco:Very: When you give me the signal, I will overthrow the U.S. Government and smash the capitalist pigs.
Caetano Veloso: The time to end America's reign of terror is upon us!
Disco:Very: Viva Los Gringos!

Here is how it will really go down:

Disco:Very: Good evening, Caetano. You are one of my favorite musicians and--
Caetano Veloso: [Quickly signs my CD with a rubber stamp bearing his signature.] Done. Next!!

Play This at My Funeral (It Should Come On After Khia's "My Neck, My Back" But Not Before "Wind Beneath My Wings".

The strange little web doo-hickie Codeorgan allows your favorite website to be played as a nifty little ditty, using (as the website puts it) "a complex algorithm to define the key, synth style and drum pattern most appropriate to the page content." Is it any surprise that my Blogspot domain (http://discovery2005.blogspot.com/) translates into a dull monotonous dirge of minor keys played to a lackluster, unimaginative shuffle, devoid of passion and grace?

I wish I was dead.

[Update: the Codeorgan website seems to have vanished. Also, I am still very much alive.]

Who'll Stop the Rain? Perhaps If We Plug the Clouds with All Those Fucking Tribute Albums on the Market, That Might Help

If you're hard-up enough to purchase John Fogerty: Wrote a Song for Everyone just to hear any number of are-they-still-alive? artists pay respects to the Creedence Clearwater Revival song-penner, you might think twice before purchasing it via iTunes, seeing how they inexplicably mis-label the best track: Fortunate Son, performed by Al Perry, recorded during his ill-advised but thankfully short-lived obsession with The Go-Go's. That's all. Class dismissed.

My Vagina is a Precious Butterfly Taking Flight in a Hard-Won Quest for Freedom

Now that King Khan (of King Khan & the Shrines) and Jasper Hood (of the Moorat Fingers) have outright killed the other members of their respective bands in a violent coup, the two unrepentant murderers have decided to carry on together with their new scuzz pop band, The Black Jaspers. Their debut album covers everything from amphetamine-induced noise pop (Smart Car) to thrash/punk pop (I Want My Face on the Radio), to hyper-aggressive power pop (Leather Boy), all delivered in the most fuck-you nasal-inflected vocal to ever grace rock and roll. A follow-up LP will be recorded as soon as Khan and Hood have paid their debt to society.

I Peak, You Peak, We All Peak for Ethiopique

I hasten thee to visit the wacky world of Chocoreve where seemingly every album ever released is offered for the price of clicking a mouse. Lately, he's been posting every blessed CD in the Ethiopiques series, one volume at a time. It would behoove you to grab these links as soon as you're able--who knows how long it will last before the gatekeepers at Buda Musique track him down and force him into solitary confinement?[Update: It appears that Chocoreve has died. You're probably too late to download anything from him anymore. RIP, Choco. You were the man.]

When Hairy Met Smally

A Conversation Between Sufjan Stevens and David Byrne
Sufjan: What's your favorite episode of Sex & The City?
David: I love the one where Carrie can't get Aidan to have sex with her and she's wondering why he's holding out because, you know, men are dogs.
Sufjan: Is that the one where Miranda is rocking the Prada ankle strap in that awesome green shade?
David: That's the one, girl.
Sufjan: I've got to get me a pair of those. My favorite episode is when Charlotte is doing the guy with the uncut penis--
David: --and Samantha's ex is now a drag queen?
Sufjan: --with the Gucci white suede lace ups?
David: That one kills me every time!
Sufjan: It's between that one and the one where Charlotte is turning 36 and can't believe she's still not married. What girl can't relate to that?
David: I like watching reruns of that one just to catch glimpses of that Fendi purse Charlotte is using--do you know the one?
Sufjan: The pink one? That purse is so you!
David: I always wanted that purse but could never afford it.
Sufjan: Just like Miranda wanted to have a baby and couldn't figure out how to juggle motherhood and a career.
David: She sure figured out how to juggle all that with her Mission wrap skirt!
Sufjan: Those girls are so lucky to be able to live in New York City and afford all those great clothes and shoes...
David: (sigh) Some girls have all the luck...
Sufjan: (sigh) Yeah...
David: Yeah...(sigh)
Sufjan: (sigh)
David: So, have you heard any songs by Victoria?
Sufjan: No, not yet. Do you think any mp3 blogs will post anything by them?
David: Let's hope so.

Mein Leben ist Scheißewelt

Sure, you could say the forthcoming long-player Visitations from Clinic is more of the same thing they've been doing since their inception, hoisting ever-so-slight variations of past tunes onto the unsuspecting public in tracks like The Seeker, Harvest, Tusk and Paradise. Then again, you could say the same thing about Disco:Very, the only blog willing to tell the same exact joke again and again in posting after posting. Once you give up hope of ever winning a Bloggie, you don't sit around wasting time worrying about staying fresh day after day...

The Ronstadt Center

While I'm excited to hear that Califone have a new album forthcoming (Roots And Crowns on October 10th), I'm even more thrilled to see the band using Linda Ronstadt as the lead actress in the music video for Spider's House. It's her most stunning performance since her jaw-dropping rendition of "We Will Rock You". When will you be loved, Linda? Nobody could accuse you of "being no good"! And speaking of being no good, Disco:Very is going to be out and away for the next five days, taking in 4 full non-stop 12-hour days and nights of movies, movies, movies at the Telluride Film Festival. If any of my thousands of readers are also attending, please wave me down if you see me. I'll be the one wearing pants. [Also, in case this joke mystifies you, I'm saying that the creature in the photo is Linda Ronstadt. You're welcome.]

Radical Dude

The anticipation has got me breaking out in hives. I simply cannot wait until Justin Timberlake radically changes the face of pop music as we know it. We have been suffering under the constraints of Jimmie Haskell & His Orchestra for far too long. Free us, Justin! Free us from the shackles of We Get Messages, Weightless Blues, Asteroid Hop and Rockin' In The Orbit! And while you're at it, can you radically change the face of popular cinema as well? I have a feeling you'd be able to show Snakes On A Plane a thing or two.

The Colon Makes Me Laugh

Please note the new address for this blog: www.discocolonvery.net. Also, I've slightly tweaked the site and, in additon, I have boldly removed my personal profile to establish a more dramatic yet hushed air of mystery. From now on, you will wonder from afar who I am and what makes me tick. You'll desperately want to be my friend, but I'll keep a wide emotional distance, allowing you into my vulnerable little heart only when I feel you are able to grasp the many complex layers of The Onion I Call My Soul. Also, the stink of my soul will make you cry, and it's delicious in soups.

Second That Motion

Too messy and chaotic to make a dent in the rock marketplace during their initial formation, it's remarkable that the UK experimental punk group Swell Maps continues to inspire countless bands long after they played their last hurrah. Their 1979 release A Trip To Marineville is a personal favorite, densely packed with buzzing guitars, clattering rhythms and raw, urgent vocals. Much like The Prefects Going Through The Motions, Another Song starts out as somewhat of a love song (if you could call it that) but ends up being about the act of writing a song in and of itself, in the best bored-with-rock, post-rock tradition. Never mind that--just listen to that energy! If it doesn't make you pee in your pants with excitement, I'm going to come to your house and kick your ass. Secretly Canadian began re-issuing all of the 'Maps output last year, so I don't want to hear any more excuses about how hard their records are to find.

They're Trying To Wash Us Away

A benefit has been scheduled--chock full of a multitude of pop, rock, rap and country acts--with proceeds going to victims of Hurricane Katrina. To name just a few of the many, many stars performing: U2, Alicia Keys, the Foo Fighters, Kanye West, Neil Young and, remarkably, Randy Newman. Hmm. I wonder which song he'll perform?

Help Me, I Think I'm Tripping

For the next 5 days, no postings, thanks to yet another trip, this time to the Telluride Film Festival. After this is over, a stronger promise could not be made: no more trips for at least 4 more months. Check back on Tuesday night for a strong return to form.

Are You One Of Them?

It's common to hold a morbid fascination about serial killers. Ultimately, however, there is nothing to celebrate or hold up with glee. Sure, the twisted obsessions of Murder Can Be Fun are worth their chuckles, but think of how horrible it would be if it was your loved one who had been viciously tortured and senslessly killed. It's this very reaction which drives the power of the track John Wayne Gacy from the latest effort by Sufjan Stevens, Illinois. It begins with a somewhat neutral reporting of the facts surrounding Gacy's upbringing but by the time Stevens reaches the inevitable moment of describing the unfortunate victims and the innocence of their youth, he cries out "Oh my god...", as if the enormity of the grisly murders are more than he can stand. It's probably the only reaction anyone could muster in the face of such bloodshed, the first reaction of a family member who finds out why their teenager has been missing for so many months. It's a genuinely moving moment in an album packed with them. For anyone wondering why they're reading a post about an album already written up everywhere on the internets when it came out almost 2 months ago: the one big chain store in my vicinity, which shall go unnamed (**cough!** Zia Records!) never ordered any copies and I had to wait for a trip to LA to track it down (with the image of Superman still intact, thank you very much).

If Defintion Of Customer Relationship Management Feels Good, Do It

I wonder if I'm the only blog getting spam comments such as this: "Cool. Good stuff. Its boring, but definition of customer relationship management is what I'm into." Forgive me but I don't even know what "definition of customer relationship management" is. I mean, I've met a lot of people over the years into some pretty kinky stuff, but if definition of customer relationship management is what gets you off, more power to you, I guess. I'm not even going to mention the spam comment I received linking me to a myriad of cheesecake recipes. Hey, whatever floats your boat.