Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Disappointment Only a Father Could Feel For His Worthless Wayward Children

I raised all of you better than this. Here is all the wrongness which you allowed to happen during my recent sabbatical:

1. You encouraged Leslie Hall to channel her inner Roches (but at least she possesses a much better fashion sense).

2. You catipulted Santogold into the charts simply for emulating M.I.A. when, in reality, she is also guilty of copying Gwen Stefani, The Breeders and Gwen Stefani.

3. You sanctioned Alec Empire as he morphed into Gary Numan without the sense of humor.

4. You replaced Stereolab with Monade and nobody has yet detected the switch.

5. You decided that since The Kinks and Green Day have not delivered any recent product, it would be fine for the Foxboro Hot Tubs to fill in during their absence.

6. I do feel pride, however, over how you continue to pick cartoon-like political figures to run for public office, giving me more practice to enhance and strengthen my burgeoning alcoholism: I drink a shot of tequila every time Sarah Palin has another baby.

4 comments:

jonderneathica said...

It's a wonderful time to be an American, because we have the opportunity to not only elect an old man but his entire klan. McCain has three wives! seven children! and countless houses! And howzabout all those Palin children! There's Track, Puck, Stalk, Maim, daughter Preggy, and little baby Downie! The Brady Bunch are going to the White House! I may have to vote three or four times just to make sure the whole gang gets elected.

Disco:Very said...

Your comment made me laugh so hard, milk came out of my nose (and I'm not even drinking milk).

By the way, you're going to hell for that Little Baby Downie comment. When you hurt God's feelings, you get a one-way ticket to Hades and the line to get in is brutal.

jonderneathica said...

Heckuva job, Downie! And have you heard about the latest Jamie Lynn Spears scandal? It's a sad day in America when underage celebrities can't get their naked pictures developed at WalMart without someone trying to sell copies to the tabloids.

berlin_1984 said...

haha it's Empire's best song from the new album...dedicated to Numan.

but yeah you're right...one has to blink an eye....