Forget It, Disco:Very, It's Chinatown

My assumption has always been that Fraidy Cat and Little Hitler--the two stray felines that showed up on my doorstop recently--were brother and sister, mostly by their markings and their inseparable nature. So imagine my surprise when I found Fraidy Cat digging into his in-heat sibling last night like a Rototiller. Little Hitler seemed pretty content, acting all like Do You Wanna Scratch It? The mere sight of this "Incest Is Best" performance shocked me to no end, and I Can't Stop Thinking About It. As a result, I Can't Sleep At Night and it's giving me a Chemical Imbalance (to sum up, I Don't Feel So Good). Talking with a local kitty abortionist, she assured me that it's perfectly normal for male felines to think nothing of a brother/sister scene and that kittycat Girls Like It Too, so I ultimately decided that That's Alright With Me. Plus, I'm A Robot named Lulu who gets that Microscope Feeling whenever I Walk Up The Street towards The League of Women Voters. Also, I'm A Bug. Success! Whatever tracks off the UK comp Static Disaster which I couldn't fit into this narrative can be bought at Tone Vendor.

Listen To The Warm

The female of the two feral neighborhood cats that I reluctantly adopted 4 months ago (lovingly christened Fraidy Cat and Little Hitler) has gone into heat. She spends all day and night arching her back and exposing her genitals, which makes all the balls of the nearby male cats quiver and groan, bringing forth presumptuous purring and howling noises from all interested parties. This song, Psychedelia by The X'Lents has the same effect on me. The clunky circular repetition makes me hot and dizzy, and I find myself exposing my genitals to all the males in the neighborhood, who then make loud aggressive noises towards me. Poor Little Hitler will find her inflamed hormones quenched when she is spayed later this week, but it's anyone's guess on who is going to douse my fire. This Spanish Fly of a song is from Simla Beat 1970-71, and you can download the entire album here.

The Chinese Democracy Of Rap

Can anyone tell me what the hell ever happened to Q-Tip? His fantastic debut solo album (Amplified) was released in 1999, so what's been taking his time up since then? You can't tell me he's still working on films such as The Visiting. And why does his record label continue to list the still-not-released follow-up Kamaal The Abstract on their website? Is this thing ever going to come out? Until these mysteries are solved, I'm going to curl up into a dark corner and play Vivrant Thing, Wait Up and Breathe And Stop on a permanent loop. Join me, won't you?

Grits Are To Potatoes As My Arm Is To Your Ass

Let's get one thing perfectly clear: I do not like the taste of hot grits. I do, however, like the song Hot Grits by Elijah & The Ebonites (from Eccentric Soul: The Capsoul Label). And another thing: I do, indeed, like potatoes. I also like the song Mo' Taters by The Earthworms (from Las Vegas Grind, Volume 2). One more thing: I do not want to see any of you doing that "Good To Go" crooked arm gesture from those annoying Taco Bell commercials. Let's not let this non-trend get any further than the TV screen, okay? If I find any of you speaking or acting out this phrase, you'll have to pry my crooked arm gesture from your ass.

FORGOTTEN FAVORITES RECENTLY HEARD ON MY iPOD
[DURING WHICH I PEED MY PANTS WITH EXCITEMENT]

I Feel Like The Mother Of The World by Smog (buy)

36" High by Nick Lowe (buy)

La Valse Du Bambocheur by The Balfa Freres (buy)

Get Your Girl In The Mood Quicker by King Tee/Ice Cube (buy)

Teenage Head by The Flamin' Groovies (buy)

Subsequence by Mouse On Mars (buy)

Besaha by The Devil's Anvil (buy)

Countdown To Revolution! by The New Creation (buy)

Grepet Om Kniven by Khold (buy)

Yeti by Caribou (buy)

The Liquid Lovin' Spoonful

Back in the '80's, I used to loathe all those goths who dressed in nothing but black, listened to nothing but death-synth and inhaled clove cigarettes. Everytime I saw one on the street, I wanted to punch their lights out. But now? I find them cute and cuddly. You might even say, like my man Steven Spielberg says, I'd like to lay some liquid love on them. The always-reliable crate-digging of Post Punk Junk has uncovered a warm-'n'-chewy mope fest on-line and he's postin' it like there's no tomorrow--because to a lot of those goth kids, there isn't. To quote the Spielberg-ster once more, I hope you're putting all that liquid love into a bottle. Put that bottle somewhere where your kids can't get at it. And every once in a while, take the cork off and smell how sweet it was.

Death To The Death Pixies

What can you say about an electro-schlock duo from Sweden who call themselves The Bondage Fairies? A band who writes about consuming a platter of penis (Fingus Cooked My Cock)? Who, on tracks such as Pink-Eye Paranoia, sound like a more death-obsessed Pixies than The Pixies? Who frame their aspirations for masculinity (and lack thereof) within an Atari video game soundtrack (He-Man)? What can you say about a band like that? No, no, I'm asking you. I don't have the answer any more than you do. Think over your answer while you pre-order their debut cd (the amusingly-titled What You Didn't Know When You Hired Me) at AB-CD.com.

The Joy Of Discovery

The main hook for most lovers of World Standard seems to be the puzzling satisfaction upon hearing a Japanese artist (Harumoni Hosono, co-founder of 80's synth stylists Yello Magic Orchestra) attempting to replicate the sound of early American folk idioms. To these ears, all the satisfaction lies in how beautifully they capture the feeling of a soundtrack to a movie not yet made. Considering the enduring popularity of the bands to whom they are often compared--Tom Waits, John Fahey, Holy Modal Rounders, Calexico--you'd think tracks such as Crazy Crazy Crazy, South American Folk Song, Columbia, To A Wild Rose and Coomyah (all taken from Jump For Joy-Discover America Series Vol. 3) would be, well, world standards. While this long-running project has many albums out, most of them are only available in Japan--what little I've been able to track down was found at Forced Exposure.