Showing posts with label The New Review. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The New Review. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Another Kind Of Fire by Edie Carey: I like to extinguish fires by pissing on them. Plus, I avoid drinking fluids so my pee is thick and dark yellow. Did I mention I've also got blood in my urine?

Most Imperfect Skies by Don't Die Cindy: I used to hate you for your awful band name alone, but now thanks to your dumb-fuck album titles, I have a whole new layer of froth forming in my mouth.

The Makings Of Me by Monica: Judging by your provacative album cover, you have all the makings of a topless turd. A turd which is also a giant 'ho. Henceforth, you will answer to the name 'Ho Turd.

Lovers Requiem by I Am Ghost: You're the creepy, scary goth ghost of my nighmares, and when you sing "Pretty People Never Lie, Vampires Really Never Die", I thank Lucifer you're a ghost instead of a vampire, because I want assurance that you will die. Very, very soon. Like, yesterday.

Still Searching by Senses Fail: Congratulations! You've scored a 10-point field goal in the Soccer Game of Suck.

Vultures by Smile Empty Soul: The sound of choking on one's own vomit, for an entire album. It gets worse: it's a concept album.

One More Drifter In The Snow by Aimee Mann: Let's hope nobody sends out a rescue team.

We Couldn't Think Of A Title by Psychostick: Although they're as entertaining as Open Mic Night at Catch A Rising Star, I couldn't think of an insult more hurtful than this: They're from Phoenix.

I Love You by Diana Ross: Hell hath no fury like a woman with a botched face tuck, especially when her last hit was during the Mesozoic Era.

I Don't Care Where I Go When I Die by Gaza: With song titles like "Pork Finder", "Slutmaker" and "Hospital Fat Bags", I think it's safe to say nobody else cares where you go when you die, either.

Smile...It Confuses People by Sandi Thom: Does Ms. Thom have to pay Hot Topic royalties when she cribs her album titles off those half-inch buttons with wacky phrases they sell? Youth wants to know!