On the pie chart in my head, snooze-inducing bearded bard Bon Iver is as compelling a listen as swallowing a bottle of Lunesta. But now that we have to take him seriously after winning the 2012 Grammy for Best New Artist, the obvious questions becomes whether or not his career will mirror that of past New Artist winners? Out of the professional options below, pick the one he will least likely embark upon:
- Will become, like The Swingle Singers, the source of a stupefying Trivial Pursuit question.
- Will go blind, like José Feliciano, from congenital glaucoma but get to enjoy image-enhancing sunglasses with untapped coolness factor.
- Will give the gift of sperm to a famous lesbian, the same way David Crosby did.
- Will be profiled in an underground film by Todd Haynes after dying of chemical imbalances associated with anorexia nervosa.
- Like Milli Vanilli, will be revealed to lip-synching at every performance
- Like The Beatles, he will become the best-selling artist in history, with estimated sales of over one billion units, influencing countless genres of music the world over.
The correct answer is: g) Bon Iver who?