Thursday, September 08, 2011

Darling Indie Band Dies of Quirk Poisoning

By Disco:Very
Published: September 8, 2011

The Portland, Oregon indie band Jared Mees and The Grown Children have been found dead, local authorities say, due to poisoning from repeated doses of quirkiness.

Their compositions often consisted of mostly wacky, non-rock instruments (trumpet, plastic egg maracas, a girl percussionist who also sings backup while using hand signals to act out the lyrics, a band member's dog howling in unison on one of the songs, etc) as well as unending amounts of wordless ba-da-ba-da-ba-da choruses.

The quirk factor which so rapidly took their lives first infected them when the band's whimsical name was invented, and the killer cuteness only increased exponentially when the title of their debut CD Only Good Thoughts Can Stay, was christened. This quaint the-sun-will-come-out-tomorrow CD title was the first indication that the deadly quirkiness was spreading much faster than initially thought.

Their condition worsened with each charming live show and music video involving daffy hats and vintage eyewear. Friends and family of Jared Mees and The Grown Children knew it would only be a matter of time before the band was crushed under the weight of its own cleverness.

The final nail in the coffin was their decision (sadly all-too-common from most of today's indie outfits) to create a trailer for their latest album.

Because the band has influenced nobody nor made any lasting impact on today's popular culture, music lovers around the world, upon hearing the news of the band's demise, reportedly gave a collective shrug.

They are survived by Wes Anderson and Paste Magazine.

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