7:08pm Why the hell am I watching this shit?
7:14pm This program is America at its greatest! I can't believe the line-up they have tonight: Hollywood jokester Bruce Vilanche and his entire wardrobe of ribald t-shirts, long-time professional Nixon impersonator Rich Little, supermodel and current U.S. Treasurer Anna Escobedo Cabral, an inanimate George Foreman Grill, the entire state of Israel and Palestine (who will be explain the Arab-Jewish conflict in song) and so many more!
7:29pm They just announced that Lynne Cheney and her partner will be giving birth to their turkey-baster-conceived baby right after the commercials. The 10th caller into the show gets the placenta for free.
7:33pm I actually like this new Mac vs. PC ad...
7:40pm Holy shit, Lynne Cheney is having her baby live in front of an audience of 800 million people!
7:54pm The studio audience has risen up against the entire Cheney clan and is now tearing the baby into tiny little pieces right in front of her grandparents! Dick Cheney has collapsed from the sight and is dying from a stroke! Now they've ripped Lynne Cheney's head off her body and are poking it with large wooden sticks! This is the most awesome two hours of television I've ever witnessed!!!
8:06pm A tribute to Sgt. Pepper...is he still alive?
8:15pm A tribute to The Partridge Family...
8:24pm A tribute to Phil Silvers...
8:35pm A tribute to God...
8:45pm A tribute to the George Foreman Grill...
11:38pm I must have fallen asleep--did they announce a winner yet?
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