Friday, April 20, 2012

Disco:Very Celebrates Record Store Day [By Being a Nuisance] - Part 5

Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: This is [name of store] on [street name].
Disco:Very: And a good morning to you, sir!  I'm very excited about Record Store Day tomorrow and I have a few questions I'm hoping you can answer.
Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: Sure, go ahead.
Disco:Very: I'm told there will be a special limited-edition 5-inch vinyl release of Sun Ra performing the hits of Yo La Tengo available for purchase.
Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: [Pauses.], uh, are you sure it's not the other way around?  I would think more that Yo La Tengo would be covering the songs of Sun Ra.  That would make more sense.
Disco:Very: No, no, I'm pretty sure it's Sun Ra covering Yo La Tengo.  They were a big influence on him.  He was a huge fan of their indie rock sound.
Unnamed Local Record Store: Sun Ra has been dead for a few years so...
Disco:Very: I'm not sure of the particulars.  I only know that it's been pressed on colored vinyl and the vinyl colors mirror that of J.Crew color descriptions: cinnamon, rosemary...things like that.
Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: [Pauses, obviously not interested in dealing with a record-collector train wreck.] Um, OK.  I can check our listings.
Disco:Very: The most important thing to know is that this is very limited.  There will only be two pressings.
Unnamed Local Record Store: So, two runs of, like, 1000 each or...?
Disco:Very: No, just two records total.  And the vinyl pressing plant which made them has been destroyed--completely burned to the ground--to ensure that these two copies can never be duplicated ever again.
Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: [Silence. Dawns on him this is a prank.]
Disco:Very:  [Speaking quickly, so as not to lose the call.] Also, all the employees at the pressing plant were blinded immediately after the two records rolled off the conveyer belt, thus certifying that they would never again be able to take part in the production of 2 records so lovely and singular.  It's as if God Himself crafted these records out of his golden tablets.
 Unnamed Local Record Store Chain: [Laughs.] You're a fucking asshole. [Hangs up.]

No comments: