Sunday, January 10, 2010

Second to None (Except for Everyone In First Place)

The general public fires off a myriad of e-mail questions towards the Disco:Very offices once it learns of the year-end free CD offer. In an attempt to quell potential uproar, let's discuss some of these inquiries openly:

1. I just sent you my address--does this mean I can expect to be stalked?
    Only if you want me to. And even then, what's in it for me?

2. The new year began over a week ago--where is my CD already?
    Do I come down to your job and insist you cook my Big Mac faster?

3. I'm with the RIAA.  You're under arrest.
    That's not a question.

4.  What songs were left off the CD, and why?
     The reasons are as varied as the rejects themselves.  Here are a few:
  • This track sounds too much like their other songs, only without the pathos.
  • This one is even too disco for me.
  • Another blogger already picked them as a year-end favorite, and I am a lone wolf.
  • They used a flute on a previous song, therefore they must be penalized.
  • My fans can only take so many songs in Portuguese in one sitting.
  • Sorrowful expressions of ethnic cleansing through song is sooooo 2005.
  • She lives six blocks away from me, and I do not pander to friends (again: lone wolf).
  • Time constraint, pure and simple (also: ew, she's a widow).
  • My fans can only take so many songs recorded on wax cylinder in one sitting.
  • Just because it sounds like "Sister Ray" doesn't make it as good as "Sister Ray".
  • This resembles Tom Petty a bit too much for comfort.
  • When the fey receptionist at my gym doesn't even know this song, this singer's career is dead.

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