Free To Be, You and Me

There comes an important time in every person's life when they must stop living a lie, face all opposition and become who they truly are in order to flourish and become whole.  We at Disco:Very applaud R&B singer/songwriter Frank Ocean for casually revealing his previous love affair with another man earlier this week, and salute his bravery, honesty and candor. In a money-driven industry which enables and encourages that certain lifestyles be kept on the down low, it's refreshing to see a major rap star stay true to himself and Disco:Very welcomes Frank Ocean to the GLBTTQQIAAPNUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF* community.

*G stands for gay (adj., n.)

‘Gay’ refers to people who are attracted to their own gender and is usually used by men.

L stands for lesbian (adj., n.)

‘Lesbian’ is a word used primarily by women who are attracted to other women.

B stands for bisexual (adj., n.)

‘Bisexual’ denotes sexual attraction to two genders.

T stands for transgender (adj.)

‘Transgender’ is an umbrella term used for any person whose gender identity does not match their assigned sex. This term includes both binary and non-binary identified trans* people.

T stands for transsexual (adj., n.)

Transsexual people fall under the transgender umbrella, but usually this term refers specifically to binary-identified people transitioning from male to female (MTF) or female to male (FTM).

Q stands for queer (adj., n.)

‘Queer’ is another umbrella term that can be used to describe one’s sexual orientation and/or gender identity. While it has history as a slur, it has been largely reclaimed and is now used primarily to represent any person of a gender or sexual minority.

Q stands for questioning (adj.)

‘Questioning’ is included in our acronym to welcome anyone who may be unsure about their gender or sexual identity and wants a safe space.

I stands for intersex (adj.)

Intersex individuals are those who have an atypical biological sex. They may have ambiguous genitalia, which is sometimes “corrected” at birth, or they may appear outwardly male or female while chromosomally being another sex.

A stands for asexual (adj., n.)

An asexual person is one who experiences no sexual attraction. However, “asexual” is considered an umbrella term and also represents gray-asexuals and demisexuals.

A stands for ally (n.)

Allies are people who support the aims of the community. Allies can be heterosexual and cisgender (non-transgender) but it is important to remember that even within the community, we are all allies to one another.

P stands for pansexual (adj., n.)

Pansexual people are attracted to people of all genders. This term recognizes the wide range of gender identities other than man or woman, such as genderqueer, bigender, neutrois, and other non-binary identities.

N stands for nonsexual (adj., n.)

Nonsexual people are not attracted to people of any genders. This term recognizes the wide range of gender identities other than man or woman, such as genderqueer, bigender, neutrois, and other non-binary identities to which someone might not find themselves attracted.

U stands for Unsuresexual (adj., n.)

Unsuresexual refers to those who are unsure of what sex is, or who question if it truly exists.

FF stands for foot fetishist (adj., n.)

A foot fetishist is only interested in sexual activities which involve feet. This term recognizes that some sexual beings are unable or uninterested in any of the above sexual and non-sexual binary identities and prefer, instead, to simply focus on feet and this, too, should be welcomed into the sexual community.

FF stands for furry fetishist (adj., n.)

Furry fetishist is the description used for those into sexual role play involved with fictional anthropomorphic animal characters enabled with human personalities and characteristics.

FFFF stands for furry fetishist into fist fucking (adj., n.)

Furry fetishist into fist fucking is the description used for those into sexual role play involved with fictional anthropomorphic animal characters enabled with human personalities and characteristics, coupled with a healthy attraction to fist fucking.

FFFFFF stands for furry fetishist into fist fucking and flipping flapjacks (adj., n.)

Furry fetishist into fist fucking whilst flipping flapjacks is the description used for those into sexual role play involved with fictional anthropomorphic animal characters enabled with human personalities and characteristics, coupled with a healthy attraction to fist fucking whilst flipping flapjacks.

FFFF stands for fist fuckers into Freddy Fender (adj., n.)

Fist Fuckers into Freddy Fender is included in our acronym to welcome anyone who may be into a specific niche of fist fucking wherein said activity is accomplished while listening to Wasted Days and Wasted Nights.

FFFFF stands for fist fuckers into flapjacks which resemble Freddy Fender (adj., n.)

Fist Fuckers into flapjacks which resemble Freddy Fender is included in our acronym to welcome anyone who may be into a specific niche of fist fucking wherein said activity is accomplished while admiring flapjacks which, if tilted the right way, can somewhat resemble the visage of Freddy Fender.

Disco:Very Reviews an Amos Lee Concert in Limerick Form

There once was a Lee named Amos
His faux-folk schtick made him famous
His concert in our town
Made us all scowl and frown
His songs are shit--can you blame us?

Calexico was dullish backing band
Main ingredient: music quite bland
Slow beats and strum-a, strum-a
Makes for show of total bumm-a
Can't this type of stuff be banned?

At times, band numbered thirteen
Including pointless tambourine
Too many musicians
Urges one to petition
To replace them all with machines

Drummer looked like senior citizen
Makes for pathetic depiction
His balding grey head
Made him look almost dead
To play for whole show he needs insulin

Guitarist's dress code elicited "Why???"
Due to skinny jeans and skinnier tie
Looked just like a bloke
Who would play for The Strokes
Or Joe Jackson or Eye to Eye

One song was about "Our Troops"
It made me take mental poops
Flag waving refrain
Brought tears to my brain
Thought: "The level to which this man stoops!"

Audience was mostly white meat
Had trouble clapping to the beat
Lee wants to be Black
But true soul he does lack
His street cred a total conceit

Smack My Rhymes-With-Witch Up

There are some tradeoffs which, frankly, are not worth the risk:

1.) Medical advancements can be helpful to the human race, but the end result of ending Tiga & Megan's tenure as conjoined twins will result in two times the amount of shit-awful albums when they eventually both go solo years from now. Some circus freak birth defects should just be left alone.

2.) I'm not against human rights, per se, it's just that if America wasn't a beacon for the those yearning to be free, we wouldn't have had that loathesome yelp-dog Regina Spektor flapping her wings to our shores back when she was pooping pickled Masliak Mushrooms into her diapers. And now we're stuck with her. And she keeps making albums. And they all suck.

3.) It's a pleasure having Alexei Luthor (who appears to be the publisher of several prolific blogs) as my new special friend, but he's forcing me to post the entire self-titled debut EP by The Ping Pong Bitches, and now I'm afraid that their management--or worse, the Bitches themselves--will track me down and break my legs like Popsicle sticks. Due to my fear of death, then, these tracks won't be up for very long. Grab them before the Ping Pongs grab me.

Beat You Up

I Love You, Necrophiliac

Rock Action

Dynamite

Chinese Song

[Update: Alexei and his hundreds of blogs appears to have vanished into thin air. We wish him well.]

Ice Ice Maybe

Perhaps it loses something in the translation from Russian, but if Old Wainds are hoping to scare up more interest in their dark foreboding music, they should try naming their songs something more frightening than At The Gates Of Frosty Mountains, the title of which sounds like a children's ride at the Winter Wonderland theme park. Likewise Guardians Of The Icy Kingdom, which could be one of its gelato shops. I've had morning bowel movements more fraught with terror than these song titles--perhaps these Russkie Rockers would like me to send them the monikers I give my stools each dawning day? Request granted.

Their Jeans Runneth Over

Has there ever been a better band name than Pissed Jeans? Well, besides Bathtub Shitter, of course. But their amusing monker isn't the only attractive weapon in the sonic arsenal of this Allentown, Pennsylvania outfit: with Boring Girls, they've found a way to write the world's first one-chord song. It basically plays itself. They'd like to teach the world to sing, in perfect monotony.

Exquisite Corpse

Incessant as a buzzing headache but a lot more fun, Rancid Hell Spawn (named after a Pussy Galore track) have been darting under the pop/punk radar since 1988, making records (as their website puts it) "packed with catchy, heavily distorted one-minute punk burnouts for the truly twisted, with record sleeves to match". As far as I can tell, the entire "band" is one Charlie Chainsaw (I've never seen them live--the one time they ventured to play in my vicinity, I was unable to attend the show), former editor of the underground fanzine Chainsaw. I've discovered that Mr. Chainsaw is also singer/bassist in another in-your-face band the Sexual Abominations, whose debut single "Rock'n'roll Meat Hook", is also on Wrench Records. My hope is that the Sexual Abominations aren't keeping Charlie from his Hell Spawn day job and he's able to juggle the two superstar stadium outfits simultaneously. I'd hate to live in a world without Rancid Hell Spawn. My Pet Corpse is taken from the Masochist Chainsaw LP (above left), but the entire album was recently compiled on the Scalpel Party CD (above right) along with a myriad of other "best of" tracks. Of course, when your music is about eating human testicles, getting drunk on Listerine and extolls the virtues of cholesterol, "best of" becomes a relative term. Update: It looks like Rancid Hell Spawn's entire output is now available via iTunes. Praise be!