6:33am - Vodka bottle fails to show up for costuming. Reached by cell, announces it wants to permanently retire from public performance. Blames erratic behavior on mental exhaustion.
7:49am - Vodka bottle arrives on set, loaded up on Seroquel to battle stage fright. Suffers nervous breakdown in front of crew.
8:05am - During lighting tests, vodka bottle is seen obsessively chasing bad spirits away with matches and sage.
9:26am - Filming is set to begin but is held off because vodka bottle is nowhere to be found. Vodka bottle later found outside talking to squirrels.
10:18am - Vodka bottle announces it is uncomfortable being in its own skin. Chases entire film crew from set, encourages them to sue.
11:50am - Feeling suicidal, vodka bottle abruptly disappears again. Later found working as babysitter in Portland.
12:11pm - Vodka bottle tosses back a handful of Effexar, admits to alcohol abuse. Decides it has grown tired of its own material and would rather be whiskey. Checks itself into Mount Sinai Medical Center but leaves after six days because "it's not for me".
1:28pm - Commercial project is shut down for good. Cat Power reduced to directing episodes of Two and a Half Men.
1 comment:
Had to drop a line and say that this article is hilarious! Or LOL if you want to be lame about it. Good post though.
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