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Suck Not, Lest Ye Be Sucked

The genius of Walt C. goes beyond what mortals would term "music". In other news, Modest Mouse has announced they will once again be postponing their forthcoming album We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank, vowing to keep working on it day and night until it no longer sucks. Accomplishing this Herculean task puts the new release date sometime in the year 5048.

Sweet Home, Nagasaki

Instead of spending their time combatting illegal copying and downloading of music, the various recording organizations around the world should save their energy for fighting the proliferation of tribute cds. Honestly, now, do we really need tribute albums to Queen, Jack Johnson and even the Insane Clown Posse? On Matthew Sweet's 2003 release Kimi Ga Suki he takes it a step further by paying tribute (as it states in the goofy, gushy liner notes) to the entire country of Japan. I'm not sure how songs such as Spiral tie into a national conciousness, exactly, but it's a great marketing idea.  Think about it: if you pay tribute to Van Morrison, the most you can expect to net is his entire fanbase (how ever many of his fans are still alive), but if you pay tribute to an entire country, there's a good chance every citizen with a nationalist bent is going to pad your royalty checks for years to come. You can purchase Kimi Ga Suki at Paste Music.

Tubular Moonlight

The dense lo-fi sounds of San Francisco's Kelley Stoltz have a playful homemade quality which runs the gamut from pop to rock to folk to blues, starting over at pop again. You would think this diversified output would lead to a widespread audience hungry for all the musical styles he taps into but that hasn't yet been the case. However, I predict fame (and, perhaps, fortune) will finally rear its puffy little head when his newest CD comes out on Sub Pop in January 2006. Until then, here is Tubes In The Moonlight, a track from Antique Glow, which came out in 2003 and is available for purchase at Inertia (where it comes with a completely different cover, oddly enough). You can also now purchase his song-for-song remake of Crocodiles, the classic album by Echo & The Bunnymen, which can be found at Darla.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye! One and All!

Credit must go where credit is due: this track was discovered via Cake And Polka Parade. The album it's taken from, Mostly Ghostly, is one of the countless cheapo Halloween cash-in sound effects records which have been released ad nauseum since LPs became the staple of households around America. Per usual, it contains the standard bargain-basement actors attempting to stir up goosebumps with poorly-rendered screams and moans. The clincher, however, is Goblin Ball, an utterly bizarre yet spellbinding production which, on the surface, initially makes perfect sense but upon repeat listens reveals an overwhelming musical chaos. It's not just the quasi-R&B vocals, it's not just the organist attempting to play every single chord ever invented before the song ends. The moment that sends it into MSR Song-Poem territory is when the producers suddenly decide to add a rather arbitrary goblin shreik, shifting the entire song to the right speaker to accommodate it. What a better world it would be if more recordings were approached with such illogical abandon. As for tips on purchasing this gem, the web has turned up zilch. Perhaps a dusty record store in your neighborhood will have it lurking in the cut-out bin. Happy hunting.

The Selling-Outiest Guy On The Lower East Side

The connection between the dysfunctional family on The Lucky Ones and the new Mercury Mariner SUV is still a head-scratcher (navigating through the labyrinth of clues doesn't help much, either) but the soundtrack makes it all worthwhile: it features a new song (as far as I can tell) by Stephen Merritt of The Magnetic Fields (whose title, I'm guessing, is The Lucky Ones). I hope he's making a bundle off this thing. If you want an available-for-a-limited-time super-duper illegal download of this track minus the visuals, click here. Please note: I've saved it as an AAC file, so if you're living large PC-style, you're shit outta luck. As Flava Flav once sang to me, "I can't do nuthin' for ya, man." UPDATE: I'm told by some of my readers that Real Player can sometimes play AAC files. Hopefully this will prevent any anti-Mac comments flying my way.