Snake In The Ass

Oh, Maya Rudolph, you multi-hyphenate talent of indeterminate racial origin! When we locked eyes earlier this morning--you in your Earth Mother finery, me in my Homo-Lite office wear--it made me giggle in all those secret places. I swooned and tingled, much the same way I feel when listening to the music of Luie Luie, another superstar of possibly unknown ethnicity (but almost certainly what some would call Fiery Latin). It would be appropriate to say his music touches me, but seeing how almost all the songs on Touchy are about touching (El Touchy, Sweet and Tender Touchy, Tortilla Touchy, Touch of the Pharaohs, etc) perhaps this comes off as redundant. Let me instead say it's as if each out-of-control trumpet is personally goosing me in my tender regions, reaching for the gold, scoring a touchdown only God himself can achieve with his magic, serpent-like fingertips.