You are always greeted by a multitude of shocking experiences when shopping the mega-enormous
Amoeba Records in Hollywood. To start, there is that final tally to your charge card. Second, you'll spot releases by bands whose break-up you had assumed was a done deal.
[You mean to tell me the fucking reprehensible Poi Dog Pondering is still together and was somehow allowed to release a new fuddy-duddy hippy-dippy album???]
But the largest jolt to the system isn't even the myriad of celebs spotted as you traverse the densely-packed record aisles. No, the most jarring moment is when one of those celebrities (
hello, Giovanni Ribisi, you dimwitted Scientology freak!) spies you placing
a sub-par Vince Guaraldi disc into your shopping basket.
"Silly Pre-Clear," he clucks in your direction.
"Everyone knows that Guaraldi peaked with A Charlie Brown Christmas. Sure, the pleasant previously-unreleased outtake Nobody Else ascends somewhat close to the genius of the well-known Xmas soundtrack, but after that you are forced to endure the faux funky Woodstock's Dream and the dentist's office dullness of Never Again. Only when you audit yourself of past traumatic Body Thetans, as I have, can you attain my infinite peace and wisdom."
"No offense, Giovanni," you think to yourself while reading his mind (a gift from birth received without benefit of an E-Meter.)
"But I saw you in SubUrbia and if that's Serenity of Being, I'll stick to being an aberration, thanks."
2 comments:
Poi Dog Pondering is good music - back off.
You are correct, of course. Poi Dog is all about good music. My jealousy around them stems from their issuing such a short list of modest celebrations in the lyrics for "Spending The Day In The Shirt That You Wore". With a title like that, why stop at only a few homespun observations on bare feet, garden hoses and skipping home?
Here's a list I've recently sent to the band. I hope they make a sequel to this song someday, don't you?
1. Finding lint in your pocket while waiting in line at Bonnaroo
2. Eating organic wax beans purchased at the natural foods cooperative and then finding a bug in the organic wax beans and then eating eating the bug anyway because, hey, it must be organic.
3. Deciding not to take a shower today. Or tomorrow. Or all this week. Oh, hell--let's just skip showering for the rest of the year!
4. Feeling good that some of your friends are ethnic. Perhaps even dating one of them for the shock effect it gives your parents.
5. That consummate yoga stretch where your chi aligns perfectly with the moon of Sagittarius. Did I say chi? I meant to say crotch.
6. When you find that perfect bumper sticker which succinctly explains your feelings on clothing made of hemp/killing your television/whirled peas.
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