Off The Mark

Mark, we need to talk. It's not that I don't like you anymore. I've been in love with you for 20 years now. I loved you in the scrappy days of your youth, I love you now in your old age. Heck, I was one of the few who stood by you after you had that fling with Brix, during which she softened your sound a bit. But it feels like this relationship isn't going anywhere. Oh sure, I was happy to see you make some money off that Mitsubishi commercial, but why oh why would you release Reformation Post TLC when it's obviously so devoid of interesting songs? I've tried to show an interest in The Bad Stuff and The Usher, but they're both just so safe.

Mark, I'm not getting any younger and I need a little more danger and excitement in my life! That's why I'm leaving you for Xexyz, this new black metal band I've been seeing who employ Nintendo soundtracks as the foundation for their dark scary music. When I listen to What Lies Atop Gran Mountain and Metroid, I feel alive and young and free, which is a feeling I haven't had with you in a long time. I hate to see it end this way, Mark, but I hope we can always be friends in the future.