Websites: There is only one thing worse than having an Open Web Letter addressed to you, and that is not having an Open Web Letter addressed to you.
Inventions: Well, sir, there's nothing on earth like a genuine, bona fide, electrified, six-car monorail!
Toys: Sure, these "vinyl figures based on Club Gods" are cute and all, but why not create an action-figure blogger while you're at it?
Entertainment: The only thing worse than seeing your picture on Hot Hollywood Assistants is being the Hot Hollywood Assistant to Courtney Love.
Crafts: These deranged stitcheries of Patricia Waller are not the kind of stuffed dolls you can bring home to meet your parents.
Art: Finally, an invention for the lazy anarchist spray painter in all of us.
Fashion: For anyone seeking future stardom on a reality series, Pre-Pixelated T-Shirts.
Fun & Games: Please. I already hate karaoke enough, thank you.
Animation: The Egg Lady is rolling over in her grave.
Antiques: He collects everything, so you don't have to.
DVDs: The what-took-them-so-fucking-long release of The Day I Became A Woman, and the hurry-up-before-I-pee-my-pants reissue of Playtime, are making the world a better place.
Food: I used to think there wasn't anything I couldn't enjoy eating. I was wrong.
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