A Short Reprise For Sufjan Stevens, Who Got Annoying, But For Very Good Reasons

Owing to a growing scarcity of twee/Americana costume themes, prominent musicologists have recently taken note of Sufjan Stevens mixing his metaphors (butterfly wings...with Boy Scout shirt???), a blatant desperate cry for help from a beloved performer who always seemed to possess an infinite grab-bag of folksy symbolism for each worldwide tour. In an effort to assist Mr. Stevens' in maintaining his place in pop history, Disco:Very herewith offers alternative suggestions for him to use as he sees fit:

Dress up as a cucumber fresh off the farm, accessorized with oversize Disney-style white gloves.

Outfit yourself in a cute Little Black Sambo outfit; refer to self as "wog".

Emulate the look and syntax of The Little Red Hen; complain that everyone in the band has refused to help write the songs; make off with entire take of ticket sales to teach musicians a lesson about the American roll-up-your-sleeves work ethic.

One half of the band is Confederate, the other half Union; Civil War battle reenactments take the place of between-song stage banter.

Wear giant tortilla costume with faint imprint of Jesus on it.

Outfit the entire band as Puritans; scold audience for immoral behavior, reenact the Salem Witch Hunt; lead entire audience to the gallows during encore.

Portray yourself as chitlins, drape entire body in pig intestines.

Sufjan is the White plantation owner, the entire band his slaves; lynchings occur upon audience request.

Dress up as praying mantis; wait for audience to come within striking distance, feast on prey.

Sufjan emulates President James Polk; dies after third song.

Concoct an entire suit made of snowy-white Marzipan; invite audience to eat it off you during the show.

Sufjan and the band dress as The Donner Party; eat one another by the end of the show (no encore).

Mimic the late Helen Keller, perform entire set deaf/mute.

Dress up as the Poky Little Puppy, prepare for role by consuming entire bottle of Valium before each show.

Dress up as the Indian Removal Act of 1830; negotiate land disputes with audience members residing west of the Mississippi River (if river not available in concert venue, substitute with nearest men's public urinal).

Impersonate the look/sound of P.T. Barnum; entire band dresses as circus freaks (bearded lady, man with no legs or arms, pinheads, conjoined twins, etc).

Band dresses up as sperm, Sufjan dresses up as egg; conception ensues during encore.