Thursday, September 27, 2007

Something Sequenced (With Spray Painted Hair) This Way Comes

A big purple moustache kiss goes to Grape Juice Plus: not only for naming his blog from my favorite Cupid Car Club track, but also his hulking ability to spin our heads around towards the mightly Dandi Wind and her guitar-drenched dance anthems. Personally, I'm partial to Searching Flesh which, due to excessive head-banging, has necessitated the need for a neck brace. Please be advised, Ms. Wind, I'm sending the doctor bill to you. Never mind--how can I stay mad at someone wearing quilting scraps on her head?

Trailer Tailing

Like all of you, I too have been repeatedly viewing the promo for the upcoming Wes Anderson feature The Darjeeling Limited. My hopes are 1) that it will reach the previous heights scaled by Rushmore and, to a lesser extent, The Royal Tenenbaums (was I the only one who found The Life Aquatic lacking?), and 2) that one of my favorite tunes by The Kinks--namely, This Time Tomorrow--will only be used in the trailer and not in the film itself. After its near-perfect placement during the most hopeful, uplifting scene in the stunning 2005 French flick Regular Lovers--with its luminous black and white imagery and eventually despairing story of 1968's lost innocence--why bother to use it in anything else?

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Children's Letters to God (Disco:Very Is God) (God Is Dead)

Today's Letter:

From your good friends at Ticketmaster. Please read the e-mail thoroughly for all the details.


Grab your friends and take a trip back in time when the Working Class Tour 2007 hits town, featuring 80's pop stars Rick Springfield, Eddie Money, and Patty Smyth and Scandal!

**Please Note: 8 Ticket Limit. There is a $1.00 per ticket service charge and a $3.55 per order processing fee. Supplies are limited. Offer can be discontinued at any time.

To get your tickets just go to:

Remember the Special Offer Code is: ROCKIN

God Replies:

Dear Ticketmaster:

You read my mind. The '80's were rad.

Please send me 46,733,576 tickets. I am sending a check for $212,637,770.80 to cover service charges and processing fees.

It will be worth every penny if I get even a small glimpse of Rick Springfield's leathery 58-year-old man nipples.

Best Regards,


Saturday, September 22, 2007

I Peak, You Peak, We All Peak for Ethiopique

I hasten thee to visit the wacky world of Chocoreve where seemingly every album ever released is offered for the price of clicking a mouse. Lately, he's been posting every blessed CD in the Ethiopiques series, one volume at a time. It would behoove you to grab these links as soon as you're able--who knows how long it will last before the gatekeepers at Buda Musique track him down and force him into solitary confinement?[Update: It appears that Chocoreve has died. You're probably too late to download anything from him anymore. RIP, Choco. You were the man.]

Thursday, September 20, 2007

They're Desperate (and Frustrated)

What's not to like about Detroit, Michigan's Tyvek? They're young and sloppy, they bash their battered instruments as if fighting off the ghost of The Electric Eels and their how-lo-can-you-go lo-fi recordings seem to have been recorded through an empty toilet paper roll wrapped in King-size pillows stuffed with peanut butter. My one complaint is that, so far, none of their output is digital, and being that I'm too lazy to dust off my seldom-used turntable, I instead have to resort to Audio Hijack-ing Still Sleep, Mary Ellen Claims, Ability and the aptly-titled Frustration Rock from their MySpace page. Desperate music calls for acts of desperation.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The Baffling Music I Listened To In The Days Of My Sappy Youth (Before I Discovered Punk Rock and Everything Changed For The Better) (Part 3)

Back in the early punk years, there was nothing more hilarious than the sight of a dinosaur prog act clawing desperately at relevance by cutting their hair, sporting skinny ties and attempting to write more concise, less grandiose rock opera concept albums. Funnier still, picture Yes convincing themselves that lyrics about winged horses and "dancing with the spirits of the age" would be perfect fodder for their 1978 LP Tormato, believing it would resonate with the angry youth culture of the era. For reasons I'm still working out via weekly shock therapy treatments, I somehow convinced myself I needed this album. Imagine the pimply teen Disco:Very getting misty eyed over the mawkish spoken-word finale to Circus of Heaven ("No candy floss, taffy clowns..."), fist raised aloft in solidarity with the Animal Rights anthem Don't Kill the Whale. I was never a believer in space aliens, so why my befuddled attraction to Arriving UFO? And while Release, Release is somewhat (ahem)...punky in places, it also veers off into the band's standard mode of virtuoso whack off. Eventually, much better music wrestled my tastebuds to the ground, but I sometimes still think back to this vinyl skeleton in my closet and flog myself to sleep as punishment for the sins committed to the ears, the very ears now retaliating by slowly diminishing my ability to hear properly. Parasitic bastards. Let's see how well they survive on their own when I have them removed next year.

No Future For You

Tue Sep 18, 8:08 AM ET
LONDON (AFP) - Punk legends the Sex Pistols announced Tuesday that they will stage a one-off gig in November to celebrate the 30th anniversary of their controversial album Never Mind the Bullocks. The band, who spearheaded the 1970s punk movement in England with singles like "Anarchy in the UK" and "Pretty Vacant", will play London's Brixton Academy on November 8, they said on a music paper's website.

I propose making it a more interesting reunion: directly above the band hangs a sturdy platform loaded with enormous newly-sharpened knives, all of them poised downward. The pulley rigged to this platform is activated by sound. As the band launches into each pathetic, retread, nostalgic punk hit, the platform is lowered towards the stage. The less songs they play, the longer they stay alive. C'mon, science! Why haven't you invented a device like this yet?

Monday, September 17, 2007

My Precious Feelings on the 34th Annual Telluride Film Festival

Number of Minutes It Took To Spot Ken Burns After Arriving in Town: 10 minutes

Age of Ken Burns' Hair Style: 12 years old

Age of Ken Burns: 54 years old

Best Gossip About Ken Burns Circulating Around the Festival: After attending the sneak preview of Brian de Palma's new anti-Iraq War flick Redacted, Burns was reportedly openly vocal over its simplistic one-dimensional viewpoint. Me-e-ow! Do I hear a cat fight?

What I Did Upon Spotting Sean Penn Walking Down the Street: Got him into a head lock, forced him to reenact All The King's Men from start to finish, only this time make it worth watching.

Best Post-Screening Moment: Hanging with campy/quirky filmmaker George Kuchar after his early short films were exhibited in a two-part tribute screening.

Celebrities Reportedly Walking Around, None of Whom I Spotted: Talented director Julian Schnabel (showing his new film The Bell & The Butterfly, which I thoroughly enjoyed), Todd Haynes (screening his latest I'm Not There, the Bob Dylan bio pic starring a host of stars portraying Dylan's various personalities), Daniel Day Lewis (who was receiving a special award) and Robin Wright Penn. If I had spotted her, I would have forced her into a head lock and made her watch me reenact Forrest Gump from beginning to end, just so she can suffer through it the same way I did.

The Film Which Brought About the Quietest Exit of an Audience Leaving the Theatre: The gritty, gripping Romanian film 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days.

The Film Which Brought About the Most Confused Audience Reaction: The wonderful 1969 film Dilligner Is Dead, directed by Marco Ferreri. Most of the responses I heard were along the lines of "...but nothing happened!"

Three Films Which Enthralled Me From Start To Finish: The Finnish melodrama The Way You Wanted Me, a UK docu/drama Millions Like Us and the sublime silent film from Germany People On Sunday.

Why, Oh Why Did I Miss: King Vidor's silent epic The Big Parade? It kept playing opposite other films I was already compelled to see, and now the magic has passed...I hate me.